Feeling down. Was feeling productive even good this morning. Then got two disappointing grades and my mood just plummeted. Actually thinking of dropping one of the classes. Emotional me wants to drop out entirely, well out of life- but you get the picture. My image for so long has been built on my academics, since I’m not able to work. It’s either that or my mental illness when it prevents me from school. Ugh.
I’ve sort of been absent from the blogging world a little bit and my last couple posts were about the voices and when I was having a rough time. Last Friday evening the voices stopped and I’ve been having good days ever since. 🙂 Tue at DBT, Wed at Counseling, and Thurs at Therapy I tried to dissect the events, triggers, and what not of last Thursday. Yeah I needed 3 days and 3 different providers to help me figure most of it out. You can see it on my last post of the behavior chain analysis. I also improved some communication skills the therapist suggested and much to my surprise they went well.
I have some fun stuff coming up as well as some stressful stuff. Tomorrow night I will be having a shirt decorating night for the NAMI Walk, it’s optional if people want to add words or drawings to their shirts. This is what the basic team shirt looks like.
Sunday I will be going to a painting groupon with lil sis and my mom. Right after that I’ll be leaving for Disneyland with my dad, we will drive Sunday. Monday is a special event for annual passholders, so that’s be fun and Tuesday we’ll be driving back. I do have to miss two days of school for it, so I’m working on getting all my homework done now and have switched study night to tonight since I’ll be gone.
I’ve been pretty productive today and am proud of myself. I’m happy that even with my Borderline symptoms screwing with me lately I’m still able to have good days. I’m also getting better at noticing when people are doing kind things for me and try to say thanks, though I’m still bad at that. I’ve been doing creative things for my SMASH group I’m in on Facebook.
Today has been a good day and I am catching up on my blogging, responding to prompts, awards, and comments. Hey if I have the energy I may even add a few of the 30 Days of Mental Illness Awareness Challenge (30MIAC) Round up posts. I’m kind of ashamed that it’s been a year since I started that and I still have only done a little over half the round up posts. I guess that’s what happens when you struggle with chronic mental illness and chronic procrastination. A little more about the 30MIAC to my new readers. This upcoming week the 5th-12th is Mental Illness Awareness week and I made up a list of 30 questions to raise awareness about all different types of mental illnesses. On the master list page you can see the prompts and if you click each prompt you can see my response. On the Results/Round Up page I have gotten through day 17 of linking people who participate in the challenge so you can see their responses and I have a lot of different perspectives with PTSD, BPD, depression, bipolar, dissociation, anxiety disorders and more. The challenge does not have an open or close date and you do not need to participate in all the prompts. Some people answer multiple prompts at once, some do one a day for 30 days straight, it’s just meant to raise awareness and make you think so you can participate in it any way you want. You can do it if you yourself have a mental health condition, work in the field, or have a friend or loved one who has it or are just interested in telling your opinion on mental health, like the nature vs nurture debate (question 5). I still have new people, one just joined the other day to add to the already 17 round up days and obviously need to finish the last 13, maybe that will be my goal for this month. So if you are new and interested or found this blog because of it’s mental health focus check out the links above.
Today I finally went and had my transcripts evaluated for the community college I am going to that has the AA program in LGBT Studies, turns out I only need 3 classes to complete an AA in LGBT Studies and that is exciting. Especially since I have been limited to how many classes I can take at a time because of my functionality and mental illnesses. The one thing that bothered me was she (the academic counselor) kept asking me what I planned to do with the degree or if I’d considered linguistics (because of my multiple languages) and she kept asking even after I gave vague answers saying I had psychiatric issues that limited what I could do. I find one of the hardest things to do is when people ask me what I’m doing with my life, or what I’m going to school for, what I plan on using my degree for, etc… I’m not like the typical person and it’s partly embarrassment and partly they don’t need to know my business. But for those who are really interested I could see myself possible teaching Math at the community college level part time. That would require me getting a masters degree though and I know that’s not possible right now. Since I have unit-ed out at the closer colleges I am thinking about taking some math classes there also in case it pans out and I can work to a BA and then MA in Math which is what I would need to teach at the community college level, at least in California.
I’ve taken the re-blog I posted yesterday on things to do for your mental health and started working on it. My plan is at the end of the month to show which days I accomplished what. I am thinking about doing a weekly update. Which would be: a picture of the challenge with the one’s I’ve marked off and how I managed to do it or why I chose that challenge item for the day. What do my fellow bloggers think?
It’s been a good day.
I had a great day today. Me and my sister went to the gym for an hour to train for out Disney 1/2 marathon and I was able to do 4 miles in 1 hour, which gave me the confidence to think I may finish on time. I came home afterwards and read and relaxed in the bath tub. I went to a local multicultural fair with a friend from high school and her husband. After I got home I went to my favorite restaurant with my mom. It’s been an active and productive day while also spending time with people I like and activities I like.