Tag Archives: opposite action

Because it’s probably just you

28 Sep

Go on as normal. Don’t make things awkward or uncomfortable because it’s probably just you. Like they always say you over react and you’re too sensitive.

No one thinks you should trust your gut, even if it’s in knots.

Trying to be mature- DBT Skills

22 Jul

It’s been a rough past couple of days.  I’m out of the heightened suicdality and voices but still feeling down and extremely vulnerable.  Me and 20 somethings friend are suppose to go on a road trip to San Diego to check out the school he is thinking about transferring to.  This is hard in the first place but I’m trying to be supportive.  We were also going to visit a friend from group who moved to LA.  Now this friend is driving with us and staying pretty much the whole time, except for the ride back.  I’m super bummed.  The borderline in me just says to cancel even going, that he has this friend and he doesn’t need me.  The other urge is to get him to not let this extra friend come.  I’m trying to be mature and use by DBT skills.  Unfortunately we haven’t started interpersonal effectiveness yet so all I have is emotion regulation and distress tolerance.  I’m trying opposite action and just trying to stay calm and not get angry.  I’m also going to fill out an observe/describe sheet to see if I can get my hurt feelings to go down in intensity.  Sometimes I want to revert to an earlier me, because it is so much easier.  At least I kinda said my feelings.


20 Jun

I had an interesting conversation with a girl that goes to my 20 somethings group.  Well, I had an interesting day; so we will start there.

This morning I went with said friend to a BDSM workshop help at the local LGBT center.  Two other people were suppose to meet us but it ended up just us.  Me and the girl carpooled out together and had lunch afterwards.  We plan on co-leading a discussion group on BDSM for the 20 somethings group.  I might be kinda hypomanic so hopefully I don’t regret my talkativeness later.  We both kid of shared our histories with relationships and BDSM.  She asked me some questions about my meds and ECT.  I talked a little about my life in general as she did to.  We parted ways and agreed to meet another time to go over more clearly what we wanted to discus in 20 somethings group, the workshop was a little over two hours and 20 somethings group meets for an hour only.

Tonight I had plans to go to a gay play with 20 something’s friend.  This friend from earlier also showed an interest in going.  I tried to stay neutral even though I knew/wanted to spend time with just him and I, as I felt I had somethings to say and some advice I needed.  I ended up texting him about whether we were going to meet and drive together or just meet there.  He said he was bringing another friend from 20 somethings group so we should just meet there.  At this point I mentioned the girl I went earlier wanted to go and if I should ask her if she wanted to carpool.  He said okay.  Again a little bummed because we had planned on going to this dessert place before or after the play.  But like I said earlier trying not to be so clingy or let my insecurities get the best of me.  So in opposite action form, I just rolled with it.

We ended up carpooling so more time to talk in the car.  I had printed some resources for the BDSM discussion so I gave her those and we briefly talked about it.  Turns out all 4 of us got to the play at exactly the same time.  It was a little early so I mentioned if the other two friends would be interested in going to get dessert with us after, both were.  The play was great and I understood this one so that made me happy.  There was a lot of male nudity and I’m getting more and more comfortable with that, so good for me.  After the play we all walked to the dessert place to get dessert.  We talked a little and I kept saying embarrassing things so 20 somethings friend would change the subject and that made me realize I shouldn’t have said what I said. It was just stuff about people who don’t support LGBT rights but have always been nice to me or meaningless rambling.

The interesting part came on the drive home.  I mentioned how I think I might be outgrowing the 20 somethings group.  This is something I had only mentioned to 20 somethings friend.  I didn’t give all the reasons but just said it.  She said our 20 somethings group is kinda of a transitioning place and we talked about being baby gays.  I mentioned looking to get involved with the sac BDSM community and she talked about the gay club at the college she will be transferring.  As we talked about transitioning, growing up, and being more out of one’s comfort zone I felt like I finally had this realization:

I feel like I have out grown the 20 something’s group but don’t feel like I have anywhere else to go, so I’m holding on.  It’s time to get a little out of my comfort zone again and find a new type of group, community, or friends maybe closer to my age.  I’ll be 33 this year.  I obviously don’t want to let go of 20 somethings group till I feel comfortable somewhere else, but it felt good to know it wasn’t just about the drama or immaturity.

I feel all insightful and energetic and my brain is working faster than my fingers can type.  I didn’t sleep much and am not too tired now but will force myself to try and sleep. I don’t know if I should have trusted this girl with all I said to her today but my hypomanic talkativeness and hate for awkward silence kinda teamed up against me.  Hopefully I didn’t make a mistake.  And hopefully I don’t do anything else stupid or irresponsible while the rest of this hypomanic phase lasts.

DBT: Emotions

20 Jun

Emotions is an acronym about coping with and managing emotions effectively.  This falls under the category of emotional regulation.

Exposure to emotions. spending time with my emotions

  • My examples.  Not trying to avoid specific emotions like fear, sadness, or anger- but don’t hold on to them either.  Notice joy and keep up whatever is making me joyful.

Mindful of current emotions.  Build an awareness of what emotions I am feeling in the moment without having to act them out.

  • Being sad but not breaking down into tears.  Being insecure but not having to ask for reassurance.

Outline a plan to deal with emotions.  Figure out how to effectively deal with all of my different emotions.

  • When I’m sad go to my wellness box.  When I’m angry blog.  When I’m anxious (most times) do it anyways.

Take opposite action.  Be mindful of my emotion while engaging in the actions that bring the opposite emotion into my experience.

  • Looking at scrapbooks or SMASH books.

Increase positive experiences.  Do things that are enjoyable and fun.

  • Plan pleasurable activities like going out with a friend, treating yourself to something nice, swim.

Obstacles and plan to overcome them.  Determine the obstacles to effectively deal with my emotions and how to overcome them.

  • Sadness get lethargic want to stay in bed, drink a red bull then stay occupied.  Anger want to cut or tell people off, blog it out, vent to a friend, stay away from cutting places and rituals.

Notice what is going on.  Be aware of what is going on around me and inside me.

  • When anxious periodically check in with how I’m feeling inside and if it’s too much start making plans to leave.  If I notice things in the environment that will worsen my mood stay away, like interpersonal conflict.

Support system.  Connect with my support system to help me cope.

  • Case manager, therapist, my sister, 20 something’s friend, blogger friend


19 Jun

Feeling insecure and anxious.
Usual behavior: try to get someone to convince me I have no reason to be insecure or anxious. Other usual behavior: text person till I feel more confident that’s everything’s all right or ask if everything’s all right.
Opposite action: go to bed. Assume everything’s okay because we’re going somewhere together tomorrow night. Assume everything’s okay because there was a little bit of a message conversation tonight. Guess he might be stressed about summer school, so acting a little different. Be supportive. Don’t bug a lot. Stop worrying so much.

DBT: Opposite Action

9 Jun

Changing emotions by acting opposite to the current emotion.  One of my favorite DBT skills under the Emotion Regulation Module and this weeks homework.  I mostly use opposite action with fear (anxiety) and sadness/depression.  Maybe I’ll work on unjustified guilt this week….



  • Do what you are afraid of doing… over and over and over.
  • Approach events. places, tasks, activities, or people you are afraid of.
  • Do things to give yourself a sense of control and mastery.
  • When overwhelmed, make a list of small tasks or steps you can do.  Do the first thing on the list.

Guilt or Shame

(when it is justified and fits your wise mind values)

  • Repair the transgression.
  • Say you’re sorry.  Apologize
  • Make things better.  Do something nice for the person you offended (or for someone else if that is not possible)
  • Commit to avoiding the mistake in the future.
  • Accept the consequences gracefully, then let it go.

Guilt or Shame

(when it is not justified and the emotion doesn’t fit with your wise mind)  Some people get confused by this one an example would be if saying no makes you feel guilty or asking for your needs to be met.  Those are not justified guilt or shame feelings.

  • Do what makes you feel guilty or ashamed… over and over and over.
  • Approach, don’t avoid.

Sadness or Depression

  • Get active.  Approach, don’t avoid.
  • Do things that make you feel competent and self confident.


  • Gently avoid the person with who you are angry, rather than attacking.
  • Avoid thinking about him or her rather than ruminating.
  • Do something nice rather than mean or attacking.

Having a crappy day but using DBT skills

3 Jun

Yesterday was crappy and it rolled over to today.  I woke up not wanting to get out of bed, so I didn’t.  I laid in bed drifting in and out of consciousness till my mom told me to get up at 11 and take my pills.  I did and promptly went and laid back down.  After writing my last blog and laying there for awhile, my thoughts started bothering me again and then my weight.  I vowed not to go out to lunch today and I didn’t.  I’m thinking about talking to my case manager about the issues this morning, but ashamed again.  I was really happy when I got a comment on my blog saying here is a smile for you.  I decided to use opposite action (an emotion regulation skill) and willingness over willfulness (a distress tolerance skill).  I feel proud of myself for getting up and using skills despite the way I was feeling.  I just wish someone else would recognize it, that would make me feel much better and more confident.  I have some plans tonight and that is helping.  I don’t think it’s fair I have to do so much work to try and feel decent.  I was thinking and most the people I admire have had difficulties in their life, I find it really hard to admire someone who has had an easy life, even if they have accomplished great things.

Update June 1st

1 Jun

Summer has started and hopefully by noon my professor has posted my last grade, I’m not sure on yet.  I’ve been feeling very clingy lately and I know it’s just because 20 something’s friend won’t be as available in the summer and fall semesters.  I’m trying to go with the DBT skill of opposite action, so for this situation it’s pretty much trying not to contact him every day and letting him make the arrangements if we hang out.  It helps because I won’t hurt if he says no, and he will message me or a regular basis, so it’s not like I have to worry about letting the friendship go.  Once summer school starts I plan to check in from time to time but to put the least amount of pressure as possible, so he can be successful.

I’m still having a lot of anxiety with 20 somethings group (the LGBT group I go to weekly), I feel like I’m a facilitator and should be mature but some of the people I just don’t like.  I’m trying to tell myself that I only have to be professional in group and am not obligated to invite them to anything outside group but it’s hard.  I know what it feels like to be left out or not invited and I don’t want people to feel like that, even if I don’t really like them.  I’m also afraid it will lead to the even more clique-ness and choosing sides that are already going on.

A lot of psych meds, specifically anti-psychotics can mess with your metabolic functions (blood sugar, cholesterol, AST, and ALT).  I had blood taken last Friday and am happy to report my cholesterol (which I’ve always had a problem with and family history) is the lowest it’s been in 6 years!  My blood sugar is exactly the same as last time, which is borderline high but I have a sweet tooth and was impressed it didn’t go up.  The only thing sort of off is the ALT, liver function which has me having anxiety about liver disease or something.  Gotta worry about something right?  😉

Here’s a chart of the cholesterol:


Feeling dejected and insecure

7 Jan

I wonder if it might be worse because physically I don’t feel good either but I’m super insecure and anxious today. With a bunch of minor emotions mixed in. I’m trying to do opposite action, but I feel no better because of it. I guess I’ve just had too many friendships end when the other person clicked with someone else better and that’s what I’m worried about. It seems so trivial and irrational but it’s still getting me worked up. Part of it is wanting to be the best friend, not just a friend. Even as a type this it sounds stupid. And I can’t communicate worth shit, especially when other people are around.

Resource: Anxiety Class

24 Dec

Anxiety reactions

  • Escape
  • Avoidance
  • Hypervigilance (looking for danger)
  • Fearfully fighting anxiety

Features of Amygdala (anxious part of brain)

  • Learns danger quickly, remembers things that were painful or harmful
  • Does not like ambiguity or uncertainty
  • Errs on the side of caution, “Don’t take chances”
  • Thinking bias, narrow and catastrophic

How to activate your left pre-frontal cortex (impulse control)

  • Keep an open mindset, curiosity in the face of stress and uncertainty
  • Widen your focus
  • Step out of your comfort zone, welcome emotional discomfort, invite uncertainty and doubt.

How we respond to anxiety, we misinterpret what is happening

  • Something’s wrong physically or mentally
  • We’re in danger
  • Something bad will happen.

Letting it go

  • Refrain from controlling or fighting the experience, don’t get stuck in fretting or “fixing”
  • Resist the temptation of make it more than it is, give it special significance

Progress comes by your willingness to experience anxiety

Changing fear behavior, opposite action

  • Face fears deliberately and repeatedly on your terms
  • Find or create ways to confront fears
  • Take challenges gradually, from easy to hard, use anxiety rating scale 0-10, moderate intensity rating between 4-6
  • Take risks, choose to against your fear thought
  • Observe to see what really happens