Tag Archives: opening up

MIAW 2017

1 Oct

Today’s the first day of Mental Illness Awareness Week.  I posted a quick thing on one of my FB pages and should probably on my older more popular one, but we’ll see.  It was the juvenile diabetes walk today so I saw high school friend and that crowd.  I was talking with one friend out of that crowd about what specifically schizoaffective disorder is and what makes is different from schizophrenia and what makes it different from mood disorders.  She also asked me how I was doing since I transferred to the university and I was honest about the couple of psychotic episodes, but not enough to get hospitalized we just managed with increasing medication.  It’s refreshing being able to be so open now and not feeling like I have to hide what is such a big part of my life.

And then at ice cream later with some planner friends, I mentioned being exempt from jury duty for life.  I wasn’t as comfortable as saying my psychiatrist wrote the note, but that a note had written every year since I was eligible and he keeps writing me out and now exerted me for life.

Resource: Breaking Down Emotional Walls

28 Sep

I read this awesome article from PsychCentral about braking down Emotional Walls and how they form to protect us in childhood when we deal with emotional neglect.  I really recommend checking out the full article here.

Here are Five Steps to Breaking Down Your Wall:

  1. Open up: Override the unspoken childhood rule DON’T TALK. Identify the trustworthy people in your life, and talk to them about difficult things in your life and difficult things in their lives. Talk about things you never would have before. Be vulnerable. Talk, talk, and talk some more.
  2. Make friends with your emotions: Several times each day, close your eyes, focus inward, and ask yourself, “What am I feeling?”  Pay attention to how you feel about things, and listen to those feelings. Know that your feelings matter. If the feelings that come up are difficult to handle, please find a trained therapist to support and help you learn to tolerate and manage them.
  3. Take your own needs seriously: Override the unspoken childhood rule DON’T ASK. Tell the people in your life when you need help or support. And then let them help you.
  4. Let people in: Fill your life with quality people. Meaningful relationships are a primary source of richness, connection and meaning in life.
  5. Get to know who you are: Pay attention to everything about yourself. What do you love, dislike, excel at, struggle with? What is important to you? What are your values? What do you care about? Once you see the full picture of who you are, you will see your value and worth, and you will feel stronger.


3 Mar

I feel lost, stressed, and pressured. I have an appointment with the Therapist Tuesday. The first appointment was easy, essentially just a catch up from when I had seen her last. I have no idea what to talk about Tuesday especially after Friday. I feel pressured to open up and having to start to do hard wok that’ll take a lot of effort NOW! This isn’t me, but maybe it needs to be. I only see the therapist once a month, so it’s not at all like my case manager. I’ve thought about brainstorming ideas or writing some note to read, to get things started. It’s just difficult with my life since there are a number of factors and they wax and wane in importance.


19 Jan

I haven’t been on here much and I sort of feel guilty.  Most my posts have been re-blogs or links to articles I’ve read.  Things have been good for the most part.  My parents just got back from Mexico early this morning.  My sister and brother-in-law are out of state on a vacation.  Lil sis came to visit yesterday knowing both my sister and parents would be gone.  Me, her, family friend, and another of my sister’s friends went mini-golfing.  I’ve mentioned before about lil sis’s attitude well something happened Friday that I’m pretty proud of.  I had turned up the music because a song I liked was on and lil sis said something turning it off and calling me a something bitch.  It was some other adjective and I don’t remember it anymore.  I got upset but instead of just burying it like I normally would.  I told her it wasn’t very smart to make comments like that about someone who is helping you pay for everything.  She didn’t respond but I felt good even saying it.  She had forgotten her purse, so I was paying for all her meals and her mini-golf.  I have had different interests on the dating site I mentioned I joined.  Some have been obvious no-gos like people who say they are married or have suspicions on their information, photos, and/or messages not lining up.  I have actually been talking to one women for about a week.  I really like getting to know her, even if it doesn’t go any farther than that.  In my last e-mail I tried to mention a little about family/childhood and hope it doesn’t scare her away.  But it’s part of who I am and I’d rather slow myself into it then wait awhile, get attached, then she can’t handle it.  I haven’t mentioned any of my own issues but I’m sure it will come up with comments about childhood.  This communicating, opening up, going to 20 somethings and being more involved, my parents being gone and all have left me in a good slightly hypomanic mood.  Last night I was having trouble thinking with anxiety coming for the first time since they’ve been gone- other than the slight sun issues over a week ago.  It made me realize how much better things might be if I was out of here.  Of course my parents gave instructions to make sure I wasn’t alone and if I did actually live alone or away from them there would be no way everyone would find time to make sure I wasn’t alone.  I worried about them being gone, usually it doesn’t do well for me.  I started decreasing my Seroquel down to 700mg from 800mg today, I will work at it for a week.  My dad leaves back to go out of the country Wednesday so he’s only back for a short time.   I will be starting school Wednesday as well.  Anyways things are good, not as good as I kind of have a foreboding  fear feeling going on.  But that’s me.