Tag Archives: night terrors

I’m okay now

11 Mar

I’m doing okay now.  Really good actually, the best I’ve ever done in my life.  But since the majority of my life I have not done well I always have this feeling that something bad is going to happen or some kind of dread.  Right now it’s a fear/curiosity and those two often don’t go well together.

One of my official diagnoses is PTSD, and I take Prazosin for night terrors.  I’ve started going to a support group in anticipation of leading one in a few weeks and a member was talking about blacking out and night terrors and PTSD related things.  I asked her if she’d tried Prazosin and there was a short conversation.  But it reminds me of how I can relate to so many people.  It reminds me of blacking out and forgetting things I have done.  It reminds me of the dissociating.  And with my PTSD, I’m not completely aware what the trauma is.

In my experience things that aren’t solved always come back

Last night

4 Jan

Oh my God, last night was terrible.  I was up to 2am with night hallucinations/sleep paralysis.  I would wake up out of it and then slip right back into it.  I eventually got up and took some Valium and thought about taking some Prazosin, since it’s for night terrors and those are aspects of them.  Just when you think things are semi-under control. 😦

27 Feb

I’m not too fond of the fact that the WordPress app doesn’t allow you to not post automatically to your fb account. Some posts aren’t priority and I don’t want them on FB. But if I’m in the bath writing, then I must use the app. I then go delete the posts from my FB page.

Enough about that. Update: still feeling crappy but fighting it begrudgingly. Earlier I cried, wrote a message to case manager, treated myself to Jamba Juice, went bowling (one game) with my dad to distract. My grandma called so we played cards before her lunch and will play after.

I haven’t eaten much since I still have an upset stomach from throwing up last night. I taped the broken toes together, so hopefully it will heal faster. Tried to read and go back to sleep but no luck. Either cry or toss and turn.

For my new followers I thought I should define what I mean by “night terror.” A night terror is waking up, usually within 2 hrs of going to sleep, hallucinating visual images (usually people for me, but sometimes animals), being very scared (terror), running from hallucination screaming and crying half asleep. Sometimes I remember the next morning and other times I have no memory other than a family member telling me I was screaming or stuff thrown in my room. (If the hallucination is located in my room I often throw things at it in fear.)

Now to look at my poll and start my vlog.


27 Feb

Feeling down.  Afraid these good feelings were just a manic high.  Can’t get last night’s night terror out of my mind.

Someone plesae tell em i’m just adjusting and I’ll be okay.

Not a good night

27 Feb

Last night. I ate too much or something and had to stop on the side of the road and throw up. I thought I was going to pass out, but I didn’t.

I wasn’t asleep more than 2 hours, when I’ve had my first night terror, in awhile. Jacked up my already messed up feet and toes scrambling out of bed screaming and can’t get back to sleep.

At least no responsibilities today.

Protected: Internal Struggles: solutions

7 Aug

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When your psychiatrist is just as nutty as you…

2 Aug

I had an appointment with my psychiatrist yesterday.  I had a few main objectives: make sure to get a new Valium prescription since mine expired last month, discus what to do when waking from a night terror an unable to get back to sleep , and the possibility of short term disability as I am trying to figure out how to gain more independence from the family (mostly who would do the paperwork.)  The Valium was quickly addressed and the night terrors/sleep issues were talked about most of the appointment, about 20 minutes.  My psychiatrist was talking about two ways to look at the night terrors: one as to be avoided and sort of a negative thing and if I couldn’t get back to sleep take some Valium and the preferable one to think of them more as a positive “as a gift.”   On to the concept of them as “a gift”, maybe even “a gift from God” though he mentioned he didn’t want to get all religious.  So the theory is if I wake up from a night terror and cannot get back to sleep, to look at the time awake as a gift of time to have to myself.  And during these times, I should do positive things I enjoy until I get sleepy and return to sleep.  He suggested making a list of things to do, because half-asleep sometimes it is hard to think of activities.  He suggested doing a puzzle.  And then no matter how long I am up even if to say it is 6:30 am, wake up at my normal time anyways even if it is say 7 am so I don’t disrupt my sleep cycle.  Then the “sleep deficit” aka the time spent with my “gift” will cause me to be more tired the next night and hopefully sleep better.  My sister refers to my psychiatrist as a “nut job” frequently, so in his opinion: when I wake up from a night terror which is usually a hallucination that has me running around screaming, to calmly think of it as a gift and go do some activity like a puzzle and if I only sleep 1/2 hour just go about my life like normal.  Yeah, that does sound sort of nutty.

Things still suck

29 Jul

It’s 4:30 pm, I am finally out of bed for good for the day mainly because I have class in an hour and a half.  Dexter was having life threatning seizures on Sunday and was have to given oxygen, fluids intravenously, a catheter, anti-convulsant injections, and that’s just the treatments I know about.  He is still in the Vet ER and probably won’t be released until tomorrow.  The vet says they don’t know the full damage of the seizures and everything that was a result of it and he may have brain damage- though I find that hard to believe.  He hasn’t had a seizure since yesterday at 11am and was able to swallow his medicine today and given a bit of water though he isn’t too interested in drinking it.  He is now on Keppra in addition to the phenobarbital and some other medication he only takes when having the seizures.  His birthday is this Sunday as well and he will be 5 years old.

I am about 80% sure I am going to ask to go to the hospital or crisis residential on Friday.  I am waiting until Friday because I have my summer school final exam this Thursday.  I also have an appointment with my psychiatrist that day as well as a baseball game I’m suppose to go to with my sister, family friend, and one of the high school friends.  Maybe my psychiatrist will have some magical solution but I doubt it.  I am trying to figure out what to say when I go to the ER to try to get into the hospital, as I’d prefer that to crisis residential.  I am not sure they would consider me a danger to myself but if this continues I will be and the fact that I have been hospitalized many times before I don’t think they’ll send me home.  Here is my statement I am thinking about saying.  I’d appreciate any feedback on it:

I am overwhelmed and exhausted.  I have been struggling for the last 3 weeks, trying to get by with just outpatient support.  The voices are suggesting I just disappear.  I am having night terrors about once every week and a half or so.  I don’t have any more energy to keep fighting this.  I have gone over 8 months without self harming and would like to be in a safe environment so I can continue this.

in the night

27 Jul

Things come in the night that doesn’t come in the day. The night terrors the other night were towels or blankets, some type of live ones. Time to float away.

Protected: Internal struggles: Post counseling update

26 Jul

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