Lots of stuff going on in my head lately. Not sure how much I can trust to the mental health professionals as I fear they will block my transitioning goals, which is sad. Means I have to deal and stress alone, which I know isn’t good for my health. The other day was Holocaust remembrance day and it was also the day our stupid president decided to ban refugees to enter our country. Many don’t know/forget that gays were targeted during the holocaust too. Yes, i know the president hasn’t done anything yet to target the gays. I was also thing about the Stonewall riots that were not that one ago and how the police arrested people who were wearing a piece of clothing of the opposite sex, this would be everyday. Will the US come to this again? So many things to stress about.
WordPress Daily Prompt 8/19/13: We all have things as need to do to keep an even keel — blogging, exercising, reading, cooking. What’s yours?
I have a number of things I do to keep an even keel, I mostly refer to them as coping skills because it seems daily there is at least one thing that needs to be coped with. So is living life with mental illness. The things that keep me as “even” as possible are:
- Listening to music.
- Reading (whether for information, fiction, classics, memoirs, etc…)
- Taking my medication, I have found out what the after effects are like when I have forgotten a dose of medication and it definitely helps in some regards.
- Taking a bath, it calms me down.
- Blogging or expressing myself in some way (journaling, poetry, art, etc…)
- Multi-tasking which helps keeps the thoughts and voices from coming through.
- Talking with mental health professionals.
- Keeping busy with structured activities such as school.
Day 5: Have you ever written a suicide note?
Yes. I don’t always write suicide notes when I get suicidal. Usually I only write notes when the suicidality is pretty intense and I actually plan on following through. I write them shortly before the plan to commit suicide- Often within 2 days, the day prior or day of. I think I have written notes 2 or 3 times in my life, which isn’t a lot considering how often I am suicidal. Sometimes, the notes are in poem form, written to a general audience. The other times the notes have been written to specific people, each note saying different things, along with a general note. This happened in 2010/11?, I wrote out 10 notes: 1 for each family member (4), 1 for each mental health provider (3), 1 to each specific friend (2) and 1 general (1). The general one pretty much gave the vague reasons why I killed myself, my final wishes regarding burial/memorial/what to do with my stuff/etc.. I kept these 10 notes for a couple weeks while I was struggling intensely, I’d promise not to do it for a small amount of time (say 12 hours) but keep the notes until after the 12 hours because I didn’t want to put the effort in to rewrite them.