Tag Archives: guilt

1/2/16

2 Jan

I can’t sleep because I drank a red bull. I drank the red bull because I thought we were going to play in the snow today. I guess there was some miss communication. I’m sort of having a hard time with being bored and thinking negatively. I’ve tried a few things to keep my mind busy, but it isn’t really working and I’m losing interest. My sister says she is going to call me, I’m nervous about that because I feel guilty I want to change the plans. But being in a bad mood at lil sis’ house without the distractions and some comforts just sounds like a recipe for disaster.

Anxiety/Fear Observing and Describing Emotions Worksheet

7 Dec

Mine:

Observing and Describing Emotions

Name: __Marci__________________         Date:___12/6/15___________

Primary Emotions: ____Anxiety/fear____________________  Intensity (0-100)_85

Prompting Event (for emotion, who, what, where, when): Seemed to come out of nowhere.  When I got into my car after studying with 20 somethings friend.  Maybe because I didn’t study as long as I had planned to.  I didn’t say something I was planning on saying.  And I don’t feel very comfortable about the quiz or presentation tomorrow.

Interpretation (beliefs, assumptions, and appraisals on the situation) You’re a failure.  You never end up doing what you plan to. You’re going to screw up this quiz and presentation.  Not going to get an A in Linguistics.  Look like a fool.  Can’t express yourself in relationships.

Body changes and sensing: Stomach hurting, dry mouth, tingling feeling in head

Body Language (facial expression, posture, gestures): Nothing really

Action Urges (what did I feel like doing, what did I want to say):

 

Self harm.  Knock myself out w/meds.  Try to get someone to reassure me

What I said or did in the situation: Tell myself it’s okay.  Read an article to distract.  Remember my agreements and expectations.  Going to look to wellness book for comfort.  Try to be nice to myself.

After effects (secondary emotions, memories, thoughts, state of mind, behavior):  Guilt.  More anxiety/fear now about transferring.  Remembering arguement a couple weeks ago.  Remembering times in the past I had been soothes and longing for that.

Function of emotion: ___???_____________________________________________________

Other possible interpretations: Worry is normal but it’s not the end of the world.  “Your reality is the same, it’s just your persception that’s changed.  It can change back.  He’s not going to abandon you and neither am I.”-Case Manager

New Intensity (0-100) _75__

Intensity after reading Wellness Book (0-100)  40

Blank:

Observing and Describing Emotions

Name: ______________________________         Date:_______________________

Primary Emotions: ____________________________________  Intensity (0-100)______

Prompting Event (for emotion, who, what, where, when): __________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________

Interpretation (beliefs, assumptions, and appraisals on the situation) _________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________

Body changes and sensing: ____________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________

Body Language (facial expression, posture, gestures):

_______________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________

Action Urges (what did I feel like doing, what did I want to say):

________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________

What I said or did in the situation: __________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________

After effects (secondary emotions, memories, thoughts, state of mind, behavior):  __________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________

Function of emotion: ____________________________________________________________

Other possible interpretations: __________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________

 

New Intensity (0-100) _______

30 Day Writing Challenge: Day 8

26 Oct

30 day writing challenge

Day 8: Share something you struggle with.

I struggle with a lot of intense emotions, I think most people would be surprised by how strong I feel guilt, jealousy, rage, and fear.  Every emotion is a spectrum but most people think of me as a nice quiet person and sometimes thats just the mask I want to be seen in.

DBT: Opposite Action

9 Jun

Changing emotions by acting opposite to the current emotion.  One of my favorite DBT skills under the Emotion Regulation Module and this weeks homework.  I mostly use opposite action with fear (anxiety) and sadness/depression.  Maybe I’ll work on unjustified guilt this week….

 

Fear

  • Do what you are afraid of doing… over and over and over.
  • Approach events. places, tasks, activities, or people you are afraid of.
  • Do things to give yourself a sense of control and mastery.
  • When overwhelmed, make a list of small tasks or steps you can do.  Do the first thing on the list.

Guilt or Shame

(when it is justified and fits your wise mind values)

  • Repair the transgression.
  • Say you’re sorry.  Apologize
  • Make things better.  Do something nice for the person you offended (or for someone else if that is not possible)
  • Commit to avoiding the mistake in the future.
  • Accept the consequences gracefully, then let it go.

Guilt or Shame

(when it is not justified and the emotion doesn’t fit with your wise mind)  Some people get confused by this one an example would be if saying no makes you feel guilty or asking for your needs to be met.  Those are not justified guilt or shame feelings.

  • Do what makes you feel guilty or ashamed… over and over and over.
  • Approach, don’t avoid.

Sadness or Depression

  • Get active.  Approach, don’t avoid.
  • Do things that make you feel competent and self confident.

Anger

  • Gently avoid the person with who you are angry, rather than attacking.
  • Avoid thinking about him or her rather than ruminating.
  • Do something nice rather than mean or attacking.

Protected: Past my breaking point

7 May

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Shame on me

1 Feb

Today has not been a very good day. For those of you wondering about my last post on medication, I did get my dad to pick up the Lamictal but didn’t get the Prazosin by mail until after I’d left Friday, so no Prazosin all weekend but I’m on all my other Meds. I thought this weekend went well until about 15 minutes till we got home. I should know better when someone starts a conversation with something like I don’t want to piss you off or I don’t want this to ruin your weekend. Another thing my sister and dad have in common. Anyways, apparently my sister hates Disneyland and hates driving. She was angry (to say the least) that I had slept about 3 hours on the car ride there and about 6 hours on the car ride back. I explained part of it was to do with my medications and she just responded with something to the fact of you don’t want to hear my opinions on those. Then she said I wouldn’t have slept if it was a friend going with me to Disneyland or something and made some hints that they allow me to do this. I tried telling her she should have told me and I would have drank a red bull, that I didn’t realize it was that important. That just made her angrier. She said what if we switched places and I don’t know how I’m suppose to know all these things before they happen. I’m comfortable around my sister and that’s why I let myself sleep, I know better to do that next time. In addition it led me into a borderline spiral that included crying, self harm urges, suicidal thoughts, and the urge to cut up my Disneyland annual pass. I laid down for awhile and then just ate a bunch of ice cream for which I feel guilty for. Here’s a picture of my DBT Diary for this week notice the emotions/urges for today: self harm, suicide, sad, anger, and shame. Especially look at the difference of today versus all the other days earlier in the week.

IMG_4152

I’ll tell you what borderline me wants to do.

7 Dec

Feeling let down. Scream. Cry (wait doing that already). Cut. Blame it on the people that let me down. Make others feel bad and guilty. Then feel ashamed.

Love

10 Nov

I feel like some people love me but not the way they are suppose to. Then I feel guilty because I don’t truly love them, nor do I think they truly love me.

Then there is the people I do love and they mean everything. A select few, and people get jealous.

What is love?

On a roll

5 Nov

The last couple days have provided some struggles but I worked though them.  Yesterday morning I woke to an unpleasant dream and had to concentrate and purposely try not to let that start off my day wrong.  I did okay though I struggled with boredom and loneliness.  Towards the end of the evening I could feel my mood dropping even more so I texted my sister and we took the dog for a walk.  When I got home 20 something’s friend had text me and I went over there for awhile which helped with the loneliness feelings and I even got a bit of homework done.  I ended up not being able to sleep that night but I resisted from taking a Valium and just tossed and turned for awhile.  When my alarm went off to go to Pride Days events for extra credit assignments I decided to stay home instead.  I didn’t beat myself up for it and that’s surprising.  Today I did some blogging, went to lunch with my mom, read some, and thought about my childhood trying to piece things together or make a general timeline.  Usually days where I do a lot of thinking tend to get me in a downward spiral or just upset, today wasn’t like that.  If things seemed to be getting to much, I’d just change my focus and do something else.  I have class in the am and then 5 days off before going back to school on my birthday.

Experiencing my fears and insecurities through dreams

30 Oct

While I was in Disneyland I had a weird dream and I wanted to document it in case I forgot, of course I haven’t though.

20 something’s friend has a twin with mental illness just like me.  20 something’s friend loses his job because of his twin and the twin feels really guilty.  Tries to make it into a good thing, 20 something’s friend gets a new job and a meets a boyfriend.  The twin continues to struggle.  The dream takes place in a place with crazy weather and flooding.  20 something’s friend’s relationship with boyfriend is affected by the twin.  He tries to be there for both of them, but it’s exhausting.  Twin ends up coming out of a psychotic episode and 20 something’s friend and his boyfriend are now married.  Twin asks how long he was in this episode and gets vague answers from 2-6 months.  Twin is still really struggling and sad because so much has changed in that time and he is just “expected” to figure it out.  The storms keep on happening and everyone knows what to do but twin; it’s been storming all the time he was in the hospital.  20 something’s friend again feels torn between twin and now husband.  Husband is super understanding and cool with it.  Which makes twin feel even worse and guilty.  Twin keeps messing things up.  Eventually twin runs away for everyone’s good.  There were other people in the dream but they didn’t have many interactions.