Tag Archives: gate keeping

Failure & Stress

1 Feb

I feel like a failure and if you don’t know me, you might think I am one, heck you might think I am one if you do know me.  I’m having a hard time with my classes, for the first time in my life.  I’m trying to work on transitioning within a medical establishment that maintains I must stay mentally stable under a presidency that guarantees I stress out about my rights and fear about even being able to transition if I ever get stable.  And roundy round goes the pattern.  I missed school again today, I managed to do some homework- but feel paralyzed right now.  I need to unfreeze but I don’t know how and assignments are due tomorrow, more quizzes and my first midterm Friday.

I don’t fail, or do I?

Therapy 11/14/16

14 Nov

I had an appointment with the therapist today.  It went okay I guess.  I looked presentable and I didn’t get hospitalized.  I didn’t tell her how bad things really were but I did tell her all of my symptoms.  She asked if the gender specific therapist contacted me and I said no; she said she’d follow up again and I should get an e-mail.  That will let me know what I will need to do in order to get top surgery.  Looks like I’m going to have to play the game.  I mentioned my dislike of the idea of binding and the likely possibility it will trigger dysphoria and the therapist just made some comments about having to do it.  Maybe when I see the real gender specific therapist I can explain to her what I want and how I identify.  I didn’t go to class today.  I need to get a paper done, that I haven’t started that’s due Friday.  It’s okay I work best under pressure.

Gender identity changes made so far:

  • No longer carrying a purse
  • No longer getting toenails painted
  • Wearing all male clothing
  • Got rid of all female clothing other than bathing suit
  • Got rid of make up
  • Got rid of jewelry other than class ring and sentimental stuff