Tag Archives: DID

Resource: Forming Relationships with Alters in DID

22 Oct

From Healthy Place Forming Relationships with alters in Dissociative Identity Disorder

Forming relationships with alters in dissociative identity disorder (DID) isn’t much different from forming social relationships. For example, we have close relationships and distant relationships, relationships built on open communication and relationships that seem to be closed off.  Those same complexities exist in the relationships people with DID have with their alters.

Open communication is important when managing DID. For those with co-conscious alters, communication is similar to talking with any other person, just without the presence of a separate physical body. It may be difficult, however, when you have alters or parts of you that you are not conscious of.

Only one of my alters has made himself known to me; the others remain in hiding and only make themselves known to people close to me. For a while, I was hesitant about communicating with these other parts because I just didn’t know how to talk to them. How do you talk to someone who isn’t physically there and who won’t respond to you?

I realized that my hesitance was only hurting my relationships with those parts. I started setting aside time each night to talk to them. I addressed the ones I knew by name, and even made sure to include the parts that were still in hiding. From the outside, it looked like I was talking to the ceiling, but I believe my alters knew I was talking to them. It may feel awkward and you may think your parts aren’t listening, but it is important that you acknowledge and communicate with all the parts of you, even the parts in hiding. Set aside time for just you and your parts to talk, even if the conversation ends up being one-sided.

Another important thing to remember when maintaining relationships with your alters is that each of your alters is unique. There is no one-size-fits-all way of forming relationships with your parts. Each alter has his or her own style and his or her own likes and dislikes. Alters also vary in age. You wouldn’t talk to a child the same way you would talk to an adult. In that same way, you shouldn’t talk to a child alter in the same way you would an older alter. Use vocabulary a child of that age can understand.

Different alters also have different needs. I have an adolescent alter who is angry and loud. In the beginning, I would get angry with him and respond to him out of anger, much in the same way a frustrated parent responds to an unruly teenager. That only made our relationship worse and pushed him away. I had to learn how to let him express himself without letting him take complete control. Instead of shutting him down, I let him know he was being heard. For younger child alters, focus on making them feel safe and secure, and try to soothe them as you would any child.

Some quirks

11 Sep

That are probably symptoms of mental illness.  (I don’t self diagnosis but have a lot of habits or symptoms of disorders but they don’t interfere with my life, at least I don’t think they do)

  • I only eat out at about 6 restaurants and get on food kicks.  Currently I’m eating a cheese enchilada, all beans, and a flour tortilla about 5 times a week in the last 2 months or so.
  • Most summers all I eat is one specific brand of cereal and ice cream.  This year I’ve nixed the ice cream due to weight gain but the cereal is Life.  Last year it was Life too.  The year before Lucky Charms.  The year before that Kix.  I tend to cycle between the three.  I’ve already had two bowls of life cereal today for breakfast and lunch.
  • I’m clumsy.  I fall a lot often for no reason.  I have terrible balance.  Lots of times I have bruises and things from falling that I don’t really re-call.  I just found out this year that it might have to do with my sensory disorder.
  • I’m really awkward in social setting.  I talk fast and ramble, especially when there is silence.  I can’t stand silence.  I don’t know social rules or norms that good so some stuff I say is completely inappropriate.
  • I don’t wash my hands very often.  Or put lotion or sunscreen on.  I don’t like liquids touching my hands.  Also new realization that relates to my sensory disorder.
  • I used to refuse to take classes in college unless I knew one person in them, so if we had to do group projects I would know someone.  Also incredibly shy and never talk to but one person in the class and only if required.
  • I was suppose to be left handed but my mom changed me when I was little.  I have found left handed written letters I don’t remember due to dissociation.
  • In junior high I told everyone I had multiple personalities, there names were Marci, Darcy, and Birdie.  Little did I know about 15 years later a therapist would suggest dissociative identity disorder.
  • When I use to self harm it would have to be in parallel lines and in odd multiples usually 3-11.
  • I have CDs of Marci Music that are just composed of songs with lyrics that I think relate to my life, I also have a song category here on Facebook.
  • In 7th grade I was voted best attitude on my team, kind of a popularity thing.  I think it was due to me spending my lunch money on candy and soda and giving half of it away.
  • I’ve never tried drugs not even marijuana, there is so much addiction in my family.
  • I’m 32 and still live at home. 😦
  • Since age 19 I’ve been in weekly therapy.  Most my therapists just go over how my week was and it’s like having an outlet and a person to talk to.  Mostly private and expensive
  • I have very strange sleep habits that cycle though.  Currently I sleep in about 2-4 hours blocks that add up to about 8 or 9 hours a day.
  • I’m afraid to make friends because I think they will leave or reject me.  Just recently would I consider myself to have a “best friend”
  • For awhile I thought I was asexual, now I think it’s more greysexual and related to trauma and psych meds.
  • I don’t like my breasts and want a reduction or removed, for while I thought this might be a trans type thing because I think it’s be easier to be a boy.  But now in the community I realize it’s not, I feel like a girl and identify as a girl- not a very girly girl but a girl
  • I went to a private christian university for 2 years, when I was trying to repent and live the “straight” lifestyle.  I was miserable.  The students sucked but the teachers were good.
  • I often have to end sentences with the words “Not that I remember” because of my severe memory issues with trauma and ECT

Some of the Wonderful Blogs I follow

25 Aug

I do accept awards and answer the questions but I rarely pass it on to other bloggers.  Since you don’t get my referrals from there, I thought I’d let you know some of the awesome blogs I follow and a little bit of what they are about.

All that I am, All that I ever was.  His blog focuses on many different things; some of them being: depression, voices, blog challenges, and homelessness.

Therapy sucks.  Her blog mainly focuses on her relationship with a new therapist, trauma from a prior one, and insights from therapy sessions.  Also about mental illness, specifically Dissociative Identity Disorder.

21 and Sensory.  A blog about sensory processing disorder from the view of an adult.  Writes about tips and tricks for dealing with sensory issues as well as documenting some of her experiences.

Borderline and PMMD.  A blog that offers many good resources and re-blogs to other posts, especially on Borderline Personality Disorder.  I have found and followed many new blogs from her links and re-blogs.  She also writes some of her own experiences.

Midnight Demons 7.  This is blogger friend.  He blogs about mental illness: bipolar and psychosis, physical disability and pain, transgender issues, suicidology, and daily updates.

Life in a Bind- Me and BPD.  A blog that focuses on Borderline Personality Disorder.  She doesn’t blog daily but when she does they are lengthy well thought out posts.

Let’s Queer Things Up.  A blog about being Queer or LGBT or non-binary or the many other terms used to describe people who have different sexual orientations or identities.  The writer also has bipolar disorder, so they right about that sometimes.

Many of us’s blog.  A blog mostly about Dissociative Identity Disorder.  There are posts by alters, poetry, humor, and updates of appointments with mental health professionals

Protected: Where to start

24 May

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Protected: What to work on.

20 May

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Protected: Past my breaking point

7 May

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Out on a limb

28 Apr

I’ve read two posts that sort of inspired me and made me think.  One was on Dissociative Identity Disorder and the other on Psychosis.  I’ve mentioned that I hear voices and I have divided them into 3 sets: the sides, back 1’s and back 2s.  The sides and back 1s respond to medication and are currently gonee due to the Latuda.  With the sides they have always came and gone and usually responded to a medication increase, these are the command hallucinations and the demeaning ones.  The back 1s never really responded to any anti-psychotics and they were there 24/7, they were mostly neutral or narrating so I didn’t have much problem with them other than it could be frustrating and hard to concentrate.  With the Latuda this is the first stretch I’ve gone without them, and I would be lying if I didn’t say I’ve thought about stopping the Latuda because I kind of miss them.  They also talked to me and were sometimes supportive besides talking to each other narrating and being neutral.

So on to the back 2s the most challenging and confusing of the voices.  They come and go and can also last for stretches but usually not more than a couple days.  Sometimes they’ll pop up say something for a minute or so and then disappear.  Some are quiet and some very loud, all female.  I have hypothesized that they may be dissociated or detached parts of my self.  They’ve been called parts/alters and trauma voices.  Usually only one speaks at a time but there have been screaming matches.  Sometimes warnings, commands, piece of information I don’t really understand, being mean or derogatory, playing on fears; they do a lot of different things.

I read in one of the posts (the one on DID) that her voices/parts are essentially split into two teams with very few being neutral.  I certainly have felt this way before.  I can think of a couple incidences in counseling where it just seemed like everyone was screaming and they thought whoever was the loudest would “win.”  Yeah, I got hospitalized that time but I never really told what the voices were arguing over.  It was one of my triggers and they had different opinions on where the triggers came from and what should be said about them.  Most the back 2s are very untrusting and secretive, they even keep secrets from me.   I’m afraid to go into them and afraid that I’ll be right about them and also fearful I will just be called a liar.  Maybe I’ll feel safe enough one day.  Sometimes there is info on my blog that they say.  The last couple posts on voices were the back 2s.  They know more than me for sure, they are always there watching and waiting even if not talking and it feels like an eerie presence.

The other post on psychosis in general talks about living with it and it being a part of daily life.  Missing the voices and them only not being present when highly medicated.  My voices when having major episodes seem to be getting worse and longer with time.  I’m terrified I will eventually lose it completely and go into a permanent psychosis.  They say schizophrenia is a degenerative illness and I have schizoaffective which is a combo of schizophrenia and bipolar, with a better outcome than pure schizophrenia but worse than just bipolar.

Maybe I have both, now wouldn’t that be something.  One prior therapist had hypothesized that my multiple diagnoses were because different parts had different disorders.  I’m still confused but it gives me something to think about and show other’s perspectives.

Protected: No one want’s to touch it

9 Dec

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Frankie & Alice

16 Aug

I watched Frankie and Alice tonight.  It’s a movie staring Halle Berry, about a woman who has dissociative identity disorder.  It just adds to my questions.  They show Frankie the main character hearing voices and seeing visual hallucinations of flashbacks from the past.  The voices are either the other two parts of Frankie or other voice hallucination type flashbacks from the past.  The three parts are “Frankie” “Alice” and “Genius.”  There are different races, ages, and even vision problems among the three.  Early on in the movie Frankie hears crying and goes to look around the room.  I hear crying sometimes.  She has a lot more memory loss than I do, which is a main component of DID.  I don’t have much day to day memory loss; though most of the past and childhood are gone.  But the voices are similar.  Another interesting aspect of the movie is there wasn’t sexual or ritual abuse which are the usual causes given for developing DID.  I’ve been diagnosed with Dissociative Disorder NOS before.

Protected: Internals Struggles: The abuse question comes up again

2 Jul

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