I decided to start this challenge first of all to help my readers learn more things specifically related to my mental illnesses. My fellow bloggers are welcome to participate in any or all of the challenge prompts. I will do a post within about 3 days of the prompt and my response to link to people who participate, please pingback/link to this post or tag 30MIAC. If you chose to do the prompts later, don’t find the challenge till later, or life happens and you don’t get a prompt answered within the 3 days no worries, if you pingback to this post I will add you to the post that has the links to that prompt. I will be starting to post my responses to the prompts in October, I am just posting this now so people can brainstorm and spread the word. You can also start at anytime. I hope this will raise some awareness and give you insight to mental illness. The master list of prompts is here. Here is the image to go with the challenge:
Day 28: Explain a “bad” day.
Today was a bad day so I will just document the day.
5am Wake up and stumble into the bathroom to take a bath with my iPad (I usually read in the bath tub.)
5:30am Can’t really concentrate, decide to get out of the bath without washing my hair and go lay down. Put back on dirty clothes.
Somewhere around 8am Get up again, take am Pills, go back into the bath with iPad. Look at Facebook real quick and Zite my news app and decide I just want to go to bed. Self harm urges are bad, turning more into suicidal ideation. I use a nail file on my stomach to try to stop the feelings, it just creates a red line that fades in 30 mins. Again never washed my hair and putt back on dirty clothes.
Around 10am get out of bath, write quick post to update you guys, take extra 100mg Seroquel to go to sleep and get past these feelings.
between 10am-5pm spend almost all the time in bed, whether sleeping or just laying there. Took mid day meds. Considering whether going to talk case manager about this, whether i need to be or will be hospitalized, feel like I have an obligation Thursday night because I am suppose to bring something for group. Maybe I’ll admit myself on Friday. Throughout this time, I randomly get up and eat some ice cream. My dad asks me about something and says i’m not doing well today or yesterday (I was surprised he acknowledged this)
5pm get up out of bed, go into kitchen to get some water, dad wants to know if I want to eat. I go get in bath again and this time wash my hair and change clothes. I figure I need to eat something some what healthy as all I’ve had is ice cream and medication all day. Me and dad go to dinner. Shortly after arriving at the restaurant, voices get bad as well as suicidal ideation (self harm doesn’t seem like enough anymore.) I read the Splenda and Equal sugar packets while spelling out the writing (all in my head) to try and distract myself. Have a couple visual flash hallucinations, graphic won’t describe. Think about how I protect myself from myself. Think about quiet room/seclusion room in hospital.
7pm get home from restaurant. Immediately put in earphones to help fight voices. Take night pills, thinking I’ll add more Seroquel later if needed. Half ass check my e-mail. Decide to write this post, while I have a little bit of motivation/clarity to do so. Think about how people say self harming comes in urges and that if you wait like 3-10 minutes it will go away. It’s been about a day and a half, self-harm doesn’t seem like enough now. I need to die and deserve to die.
7:30pm meds are kicking in, will go to bed with earphones in just in case i need to, extra protection doesn’t hurt right. Just because the thoughts are there (suicidal or self harm) doesn’t mean I will necessarily act on it, I don’t want you all to worry but just see what life is like.