If you haven’t had enough already, here is some more information about me:
Who is who? I’m the oldest of three daughters, I write about my family a lot but do not use actual names, just identifiers. My sister is 29 and lil sis is 27, we’re close in age. My brother-in-law is 30 and lil sis’s boyfriend is 30. Mom and dad are old, 60 and 59, but both don’t act their age especially my dad. Family friend is 29 and lived with our family during a couple years in high school and afterward, it’s a complex story which will eventually be told and linked here. She was/is my sister’s best friend since 3rd grade but all 4 of us girls are close and my dad calls her his extra daughter. Both my sisters have dogs that I absolutely love. My sister has Dexter an English bulldog whose picture comes up on this blog more often then lil sis’s dog Tobias who is a black mix dog.
What I do… I don’t have a “real” job because of my mental illnesses. I work for the family business doing computer work, it’s flexible and in an office where there isn’t usually people so it works with my current function-ability. I used to work in child care for 3 years, and it was stressful but Awesome. I eventually had to give the job up because I wasn’t stable enough. I still talk to my old boss and we hang out and usually references to work or the kids has to do with that time. That is the only other job I’ve ever had.
I go to community college nearly every semester, I refer to it as just school. I have an Associates Degree in Early Childhood Education that I completed while working at the child care center. I have over 100 units in various subjects, many in languages, psychology, math, child development, and religious studies- all of which were majors or courses of study at some time. I enjoy school, I feel it gives me stability, structure, helps my self-confidence (I’m a good student), distraction, forces me to get out of the house and do a little interaction with other people.
I’m a lifetime learner, when not attending college classes I read a lot. I read many different genres, I like psychology related books, memoirs, biographies, autobiographies, humorous fiction, classics, books on education, parenting and child development. I keep up on current events in the US and current research and news in subjects I’m interested in. I listen to philosophy and Italian podcasts also in my free time. I’ve also taken painting classes in the community. I like to write: my opinions on things, poetry, what’s going on in my life, updates on psychology research or articles. Writing helps me express myself, process things, get my opinions sorted out, hopefully show other people what living with mental illness is like, and help others whether its through information or someone to relate to.
I also scrapbook and do creative journaling. From time to time you may see artwork in different mediums or journals and scrapbooks I am working on.
Who I like, discovering my sexuality. I have struggled with sexual identity most of my life. When in junior high and high school I spent so much time just trying to hold myself together with my mental illnesses that I never thought about romance, sex, or relationships. It wasn’t a priority and I didn’t really understand everyone else’s infatuation with it. For my senior prom I went with my sisters boyfriend (now husband) likely influenced by my parents who didn’t want me to “miss out” on a high school experience I could care less about. Towards the very end of high school when separating from my large group of friends I met a friend in one of my classes who I stayed friends with during all the emotional upheaval of senior year, going on independent study, and my first couple years of college. I don’t remember a lot of the friendship and resulting relationship due to memory issues caused by ECT and trauma. The short story is: we got involved sexually, her mom found out (her dad was a pastor of a local church) and told the family, me and the girl were not allowed to spend anytime together unless it was supervised, and the mother started counseling me on how I must have been sexually abused by my father in order to have these feelings. I tried to push the feelings away, moved away from my parents, transferred to a private Christian university, attempted a “normal” relationship with a guy I met on match.com, was engaged, had some more trauma, left the relationship, told old friend/girlfriend that I was gay, friendship sizzled out after that, different Christian counselor told me “just do it until the feelings come or be abstinent for the rest of your life,” I stopped seeing her, renounced back the sexuality because of friend/girlfriends response, tried to force feelings again with a guy I met that was suppose to be just for sex (he turned out to be a sociopath.). Just last late summer/fall (2012) I started trying to integrate my sexuality and who I am. I started going to an LGBT group called “20 something’s”. I am in no way ready for a romantic relationship yet and out to only a few, but feel more comfortable inside.