Never good enough

5 Jul

I was trying to get by as least symptomatic as possible since I’m on vacation with 20 somethings friend.  I have a lot of stuff to take care of when I get back home, regarding school and all.  Mostly I’ve been able to put that aside.  What’s been bugging me though has been body dysphoria, I have lost weight (I think) I don’t weigh myself.  I changed to pant sizes down.  But my dad is super critical and always telling everyone about weight and eating habits.  After spending 5 days with him for the NAMI National Conference the hurtful comments haven’t worn off yet.  I’m trying to be rational about it, because I don’t need to bring another problem/unhealthy coping skill to the table right now.  But I can’t seem to get it out of me head.  I’ve had two other people comment on me losing weight, but I think it just goes back to how dad was in childhood.  I mean he’s not screaming, calling me names, or any of that right now.  But it’s that same critical perfection I can never live up to.  Never good enough.

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