Archive | 2:39 PM

Thinking

1 Jun

I’ve been thinking about what to do.  I need to take the rest of this quarter off.  I need to re-evaluate my school final plan.  I’m not entirely sure I need the hospital, I’m not suicidal for the most part.  I get passively suicidal, mostly about failing my classes and having to withdraw from this quarter.  The flashbacks have been causing real bad self harm urges but so far, I’ve been okay plus I can’t stay in the hospital forever and those go on hit and miss for years.  So I’ve been thinking about maybe doing Partial, I’ll ask my case manager on Wednesday what she thinks.  It’ll help me function and get out of bed and learn coping skills and if I don’t show up or cope well, they’ll take me to the hospital.  I figure that way I can stay in my Peer specialist program I’m taking nightly.  I’m also interested in keeping up my volunteer work, that’s what really keeps me going.  I’m here at NAMI’s California Conference right now actually.  I lead a connection/support group on Thursday.  I told the college president what was going on with me and dropping this quarter I hope he doesn’t interpret that to mean I can’t help run the club next year.  I know what I’m capable of.  So far I’m looking into changing my double major of Spanish and Linguistics into a Linguistics major and a Spanish minor or just a Linguistics major with some added electives until I can get the last classes I need to repeat to graduate.  It will be far less classes each quarter and less stress.