29 May

I’m starting to slip a lot.  Often it’s up to me to make a decision of whether to take the energy to try to stop myself from completely going down the rabbit hole which takes so much energy or just give up and surrender.  Obviously, when other people are around I try to fight it.  But when it’s just me I’ve lost more and more the desire to fight it and the energy too.  Tonight I didn’t get out of bed till 9pm and take my morning meds.  i’m writing this blog and re-putting in credit card info so I can get meds I’m out of and then I’ll probably go back to my laying down/giving up state.  Depression?  Apathy? Something extending off the PTSD, I’m not sure.  But I’m sick of fighting.   And if it wasn’t so inconvenient to kill myself, well.

One Response to “”

  1. manyofus1980 June 15, 2018 at 8:49 PM #

    hugs. you are so worth it. your a fighter. don’t give up now. xoxo

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