Another not good day

18 May

I woke up at 8am to my phone ringing from the psych department I knew they were calling either to cancel my appt with my case manager or to push it back, most likely to cancel since they were calling so early- I let it go to voicemail.  About an hour later I listen to the message, yep appointment cancelled.  I’d been holding on for that appointment.  I didn’t go to school today, either class.  Even though I have a midterm Wednesday.  I thought about canceling on my planner meet up tonight.  I had convinced myself that they didn’t really want me there and that one friend had just got me invited because someone else couldn’t go.  I finally forced myself out of bed, took my meds ate some cereal and got my planner stuff ready.  On my way to my home town I got into a car accident.  It was my fault, no one was hurt but the guy had to have the police called to make a police report.  I had to wait 20 mins for it.  There was another school shooting today, I had to stay off the internet, so far the voices have been quiet- that’s good.  I feel so overwhelmed already.  I’m not sure how much more I can take.  Honestly.  I have an appointment with the therapist on Monday but I was thinking about not going.  She doesn’t understand me.  She will also blow things out of proportion and if I see her my case manager will probably put off seeing me since I already saw “somebody.”  Also I don’t want her to go off what she read it my last visits notes.  This was before the accident.  Now I feel like I need something.  Anything.  And I might even just put up with her.  I hope she just doesn’t frustrate me more.  We’ll see if I change my mind again between now and Monday.

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