PTSD World

8 May

So I’ve began slipping into PTSD world.  I’m trying to do what I can to stop the slipping but then there seems to be another part of me that just doesn’t care so it’s hard.  This morning I woke up all disoriented and an hour off in time, rushing to volunteer and it look me about 15 minutes to orient myself and realize I was at the school an hour early even after I had noticed the school office was locked, there were only 2 cars in the parking lot, and I only talked to one teacher I saw.  Today was riddled with PTSD symptoms and switching and I swear I learned nothing.  I did talk to 20 somethings friend and that helped a lot as I felt like this whole thing was my fault and was really feeling bad and I felt better after.  Even though the PTSD symptoms returned later after.  In order not to go deeper like last night I just self medicated as soon as I got home.  I couldn’t put up with the symptoms.  I had NyQuil some lorazepam, and Latuda.  I just woke up.  I feel out of it (literally) and out of the PTSD world right now too.  I don’t think this is the final fight.

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