Archive | 8:36 PM

Feeling self destructive

6 Apr

I’m finally feeling better at least out of the failure loop and not spending most of the day isolating, in bed, or dealing with intense emotions.  Of course now I feel like doing things that have the potential to get me back to how I was or worse.  Part of it is that I don’t feel like I deserve to be doing well.  Part of it is I am sick of dealing with this aspect of my life by just “not dealing with it.”  I know it’s the worst time of any to try, but I’m frustrated and at this point don’t care and think I deserve whatever problems come to me.  I guess I should try to stay away from making decisions right now.  We’ll see.