29 Mar

I feel like I keep getting stuck in this world that is not the now, but not the future.  It is some world that does not really exist and that I do not like either.  In it I am a failure and I’d rather be dead.  I’m trying to distract as that’s the key DBT skill I’m using not to focus and retreat to this inner place but it keeps happening.  I’m at the “”Happiest place on Earth” yet the thoughts are still coming and I keep getting stuck.  I don’t know how to fix it as I don’t have a future and have no way to plan what that seems “worthy.”  I’m so behind already at 35.  I’m trying not to get down, but it’s hard not to.  I thought getting out on my own and going to college and stuff would help.  It has in a way, I’m functioning better but I’m also better able to see how far I am behind and I think see my limitations at ever catching up.

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