Updated again

11 Dec

I’m feeling a little better, things have been real bumpy though.  I’m not actively suicidal anymore.  I see the therapist tomorrow and I don’t think I’ll mention any of this to her, she just doesn’t understand and she takes things way too seriously.  I see my case manager on Friday and I’ll let her know what has been going on.  I just got my refills mailed, I was almost out of most my mood stabilizers and out of another non-psych med.  I get most all my meds mailed at the same time except two.  I was combining all the bottles and downsizing when I realized that I ordered some that I still have A LOT of.  One of the ones that I was thinking about counting the other day.  As I was like hmmm… some voice or something was like keep it, we might need it.  Like I said I’m not actively suicidal anymore.  But there’s always something under the surface and it was surprising to hear it pipe up so quickly.  It lead to a conversation with 20 somethings friend about urges and thoughts that seem to lie just under the surface because of the past.  And how we both seem to be doing really well considering our pasts.  It’s a good thing to remember.  But it’s also important to remember that risk there, people don’t understand recovery.  I try to negotiate it everyday.

One Response to “Updated again”

  1. manyofus1980 December 21, 2017 at 12:10 PM #

    isn’t that just it, we negotiate it every day. keep fighting. xx

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