28 Aug

I’m beginning to wonder if these down falls and downward spirals are triggered by fall approaching. Granted it was 109 degrees today, but the days are getting shorter and maybe my body just knows it’s almost September. For new readers. My depressive episodes at least the real bad, and lengthily ones that usually result in hospitalizations happen in the fall and the spring. Usually October and March, or the months surrounding them. Nearly every hospitalization has been in this pattern, including the last one in October of 2014. I know my depression is not just situational so I knew even with two years of stability after 10 straight years of hospitalizations I wasn’t out of the woods. Luckily maybe way less for psychosis now and the depression had been managed well up till now. Now I’m worrying. I’ve been working real hard these last couple weeks to cope and out maneuver it. Today nothing worked. Emptiness is seeping in. I can’t smile, when I try. And all I can think is god no, not this again. 

7 Responses to “Fall?”

  1. manyofus1980 August 28, 2017 at 8:54 PM #

    I am sorry your having these episodes. I do think its good you know the trigger for them though. At least when you know you can try to do something about it. xxx

    • mm172001 August 29, 2017 at 8:57 PM #

      It’s always about trying to lessen or prevent the episodes

  2. Kimber Johnson August 28, 2017 at 9:56 PM #


  3. G. Collerone August 28, 2017 at 10:02 PM #

    You’ll get through these episodes. Just take it second by second if you have to. Here if you need me.

    • mm172001 August 29, 2017 at 8:58 PM #

      I’m okay now, kinda manicy, ran out of hormones for a bit, weather wacky, i don’t know. I’ll ride it out. Each day is different as you say

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