Today while driving back to my apartment from home, I was crying which is a pretty normal occurrence. It’s a 40 minute drive, I’m alone and I don’t have to worry about anyone finding me or asking me questions. As I was crying and thinking about my time here at UC Davis, my transition, and my lack of friends I was wondering if this was what it was like at the private christian college. Of course I don’t remember!
With everything going on, I’m getting back suicidal again. I think it might help if I could remember if this is what it was like before, because if it was- I either adjusted, quit, or got through it; because hey I’m here.
Again mostly annoyed by the lack of friends. Which makes the thought of dying easier when there is no one to live for. I got the few standard people but they are most distant with my school duties and their current life duties.
Apparently again can’t be ASD because I care about having a friend or two. Fucking ridiculous. And these people are suppose to be professionals. People annoy me to most an extent and I’m picky as hell about friends, but I want a couple.