Archive | March, 2017

Protected: Voices and triggers

28 Mar

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TG#1

22 Mar

I went to gender group tonight and we were talking about the term trans* specifically with the asterisk and what people thought of it and whether it was inclusive or outdated or whatnot.  Most everyone didn’t like it.  I don’t really care one way or the other, but was surprised to see people had such strong opinions about it.  I think it’s important to have a name for our community that doesn’t just include transgender men and transgender women, but also non-binary people, gender non-conforming people, gender queer, agender, gender variant, and all other people under the trans umbrella.  I guess it is outdated, but there isn’t really anything else and I identify as gender variant and that’s not really well knows so I just say under the trans umbrella and then I have to explain what that means.

So I went to gender group tonight on Campus and as I was walking to my car, there was a bicyclist that was riding on the sidewalk.  I don’t know maybe they were trying to park their bike, I will give them the benefit of the doubt.  So I was trying to cross the sidewalk to get through another walking path when the bicyclist was like “Excuse me, Sir” and we managed not to crash into each other.  Which was nice, I’ve already been hit on campus by a bicyclist before.  Anyways, Not even wearing my binder or anything.  Just normal clothes and my baseball hat and my glasses.  But what I noticed it both times I’ve been male gendered I’ve had my glasses on, so maybe I should wear my glasses more frequently.

Quarter winding down

19 Mar

Quarter is winding down at college.  I mentioned I signed up for 5 classes, which is a lot.  I was sorta manic and 3 classes last quarter didn’t keep me busy enough.  I’m not going to pass one, but I changed it from a graded class to a Pass-No Pass class.  This is the first time I’ve never passed a class in my life.  My identity and self-worth use to be so built around my intelligence I had a hard time once I started failing Greek, but I’ve sort of accepted it.  I have all A’s and B’s in my other classes.  I went to the NAMI Kick Off Luncheon Friday and they didn’t give me a star walker pin.  You get a star walker pin for raising over $1,000; I raised over $2,000 last year.  I actually had the courage to speak to one of the people in charge and they said they’s look into it.  I should mark off assertiveness on my DBT Skills list.

All my in class finals are tomorrow and a large paper is due by 5pm.  I should be working on it right now, but I’m not.  I have a hard time working on things unless it’s crunch time or I’m with other people who are working on things too.  I’ve taken 3 naps already today.  My not taking my medication as prescribed is catching up with me.  I haven’t been loading my pill chart, mostly out of laziness.  So I’ve only been taking 1/2 of my mood stabilizers and 1/2 my PTSD meds and my sleep has been off at night; therefore I’m sleeping more during the day.  Last night at 1am I took the extra meds I should normally take.  I need to load my pill chart today.

Next quarter will only be 3 classes, it will be less stressful.  Hopefully, busy enough to keep me motivated though.  Next week is spring break, 20 somethings friend is coming!  I’m so excited!

NAMI Walks 2017

14 Mar

NAMI Walks 2017!

2016 Team Pic

2015 Team Pic

2014 Team Pic

NAMI Walks 2013

 

 

http://www.namiwalks.org/index.cfm?fuseaction=donordrive.participant&participantID=63919

The problems lack of memory brings

5 Mar

Today while driving back to my apartment from home, I was crying which is a pretty normal occurrence.  It’s a 40 minute drive, I’m alone and I don’t have to worry about anyone finding me or asking me questions.  As I was crying and thinking about my time here at UC Davis, my transition, and my lack of friends I was wondering if this was what it was like at the private christian college.  Of course I don’t remember!

With everything going on, I’m getting back suicidal again.  I think it might help if I could remember if this is what it was like before, because if it was- I either adjusted, quit, or got through it; because hey I’m here.

Again mostly annoyed by the lack of friends.  Which makes the thought of dying easier when there is no one to live for.  I got the few standard people but they are most distant with my school duties and their current life duties.

Apparently again can’t be ASD because I care about having a friend or two.  Fucking ridiculous.  And these people are suppose to be professionals.  People annoy me to most an extent and I’m picky as hell about friends, but I want a couple.