A little longer

13 Nov

I don’t think I’m too good with words and it’s so loud in my head. Quiet is dangerous. Probably the most suicidal I’ve been but I had this weekend trip coming up and the pills wouldn’t have worked that fast. 20 somethings friend would’ve called my sister when I didn’t show up. She’d check the blog and send someone to check on me. It wouldn’t be long enough and then I’d probably be forced to move back home and my mental health workers would never trust me anymore. I’m not definite enough right now, not desperate enough yet. I guess most people would consider that a good thing. The voices been acting up. This whole presidency and current events have me in fear and uncertainty. And I think I’m just slipping into a depressive episode anyways. Not necessarily sad; just empty and depressed. Suppose to have two psych appt this week. Don’t want to tell the therapist what’s up; I just don’t trust her enough. Don’t want to worry my case manager or have her talk me into going into the hospital even though that may be what I very may well need. I shall live another day. Or two

6 Responses to “A little longer”

  1. G. Collerone November 13, 2016 at 7:09 PM #

    Hope it’s a lot longer than that. I know we’ve drifted apart but I still think of you and am here if you need me

    • mm172001 November 18, 2016 at 3:52 PM #

      I may just take you up on that.

  2. Bradley November 14, 2016 at 3:24 PM #

    The election has my stomach in knots. It’s spiraled me into depression.

    • mm172001 November 18, 2016 at 3:52 PM #

      Many of us on campus. Especially those in the LGBT community

  3. manyofus1980 November 18, 2016 at 2:21 AM #

    i’m sorry you are struggling marci. its really tough. i hope you start to feel better soon. xxx

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