Today… and no this will not take all the blame

15 Sep

Today I had a counseling appointment and even though my case manager doesn’t really want to address the gender identity issues she today said that my self harm was a result of gender identity and sexuality issues.  I was quick to point out I was self harming before those issues came to light and for other reasons.  I often worry about people taking my biological disorders and my situational life happenings and screwing them up and trying to put something where it doesn’t belong.   I did mention that yes I did self harm on my breasts because I hated them; but I self harmed for a slew of other reasons before I hit puberty (when gender issues came on) and before I met PK (when I started discovering my sexuality).

I’m thinking about using a new name with my new gender variant expression, when I start transitioning more, a nickname my sister has given me that is my initials.  Before I do that though, I want it to be okay with her as it is her nickname sort of and I don’t know how she will feel about being gender variant and I don’t feel right about taking a nickname she gave me and using it; if she takes the transition really badly.  I need to feel her out.  I’m not good at feeling people out.

3 Responses to “Today… and no this will not take all the blame”

  1. Bradley September 15, 2016 at 6:39 PM #

    Good for you for wanting to make sure you talk to your sister before taking on the name. Good or bad, she will be adjusting to the transition and I think it’s wonderful that you are involving her in a way.

  2. beingdid September 23, 2016 at 9:10 PM #

    i hope your sister is accepting and ok with the name change. there are many reasons for self harm i dont think your gender identity and sexuality on their own would just be the reasons, werent you self harming from age 10 or 11? xxx

    • mm172001 September 24, 2016 at 8:56 AM #

      Not that early I think more like jr high 12,13 and I hope so to not a chance to talk yetsince I moved

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