Holding On

3 Sep

I wonder why I am so insistent (at least right now) to hanging on to some of my female gender identity. I don’t like being a girl.  Is it because it’s so familiar?  Because I’m so resistant to change in general and this will be a BIG change.  Scared of what people will think, especially how the family will react?  I’m not sure what it is in me, but it’s worth exploring.  I think that’s what I should talk to the therapist about in two weeks.  I also worry with what my gender identity is and how that will play out along with my sexuality and I’m trying to work them both out in my head at the same time.  I know this is bad for me and I should let the identity figure out first and then sexuality next but I feel like i’m losing time and like most people I want all the answers NOW, lol.

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