The struggle

17 Aug

Today was stressful.  I had a dream I was back working in Sunday school, I miss working with kids and the community church provided feeling like I finally fit in somewhere.  I woke up kinda sad.  Then I had a text from 20 somethings friend saying the time I picked him up changed from 5:30 to 7:30 so we’d get less hang out time and another bill from my health insurance for my case manager that we have been messing with since the beginning of the year.  I wanted to just go back to bed and skip school.  I did go back to bed, but set an alarm for 9am and just threw some clothes on to go to school, unfortunately the shirt I picked out was tight on the arms and the chest which made me really feel my breasts.  Tat had me thinking about how I felt I was getting the run around from my health insurance regarding the gender identity issues though they claim I’m not and I guess I really won’t know till I see the therapist.  I just know I can’t go on like this if it’s just addressing it with her once a month.  I thought about pk and moving to the private christian university and starting over and how I will be moving to UC Davis and kinda starting over again. I’m not sure I can do it.  Other people think I can, maybe I can fool them they don’t bother seeing my struggle.

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