A few days ago me and my dad got into it. It was just like every other time. It was over something petty, it involved him calling me names, screaming at me and cussing at me. But there were a few things different this time. I didn’t cry hysterically immediately in front of him, I didn’t automatically apologize for all of my behavior to placate him. And when he said he was sorry, I said if he was sorry, maybe he should try to work on trying not to do this anymore. When he said it was because he loved me and he cared about me, I flipped internally- hello the definition of abuse. I said there you go again the “old dog” and “just the way you are” and then I ran off to my room and started crying. This type of behavior has been going on since I was a child, minus me sticking up for myself somewhat. And it just really clicked what it was, what it is. And I don’t understand how he can justify it as “love” and “care.” After I stood up for myself I was practically shaking in fear, I’m still somewhat afraid but it’s been 3 days so it’s mostly subsided. My case manager thinks I’m afraid I’m going to hit him or lash out in anger towards him. Really I’m afraid of retaliation from him, not that he’ll hit me. I don’t think he’d do that, but more sudle emotional ways or something.
Marci, Mental Health, & More
Marci- Me a 32 year old gay female living in California in the United States.
Mental Health- I am diagnosed with Borderline Personality Disorder and Schizoaffective Disorder Bipolar type. I blog about my own experience with mental health as well as resources, research, and re-blogs relating to mental health.
More- Art, Poetry, Book Reviews, LGBT, Languages, Photos, Religion, Current Events, Opinions, and Rants.
I laughed in my head
My Favorite Posts
Guest Post on Bipolar for Life Breaking the Silence of Stigma: Not What You'd Expect
Changes and My Identity in Mental Illness Object Permanence
Sexuality and Mental Illness Intertwined Mad Pride? Gay Pride? Identity...
Borderline Personality Disorder Infographic Borderline Personality Disorder Infographic
Schizoaffective Disorder Infographic Schizoaffective Disorder Infographic