F*ing weight

17 Apr

I feel like cutting it out. I know I can’t. I know that won’t work. I know it will just end me up in the hospital and with my luck another diagnosis. I’m so pissed. I’m doing everything I can and I’m back at or above my weight before, I don’t know because I’m too afraid to weight. The stupid people will say how can you know. Number one and most I can feel it in my body but thats never a fucking good enough answer. So the two pairs of 16 pants that I lost weight to get into one does not fit at all. The other I can wear a little at school and rush to take off as soon as I get home. Even my seals tic comfortable pajamas are making me body aware. The towel that wouldn’t fit around my body after the bath is back to that. I’m still eating less than 1200 calories most days, fewer carbs, doing the workout class two days and usually walking with my sister a few other days a week and taking 200mg of Topamax a day. I don’t know what else to do. I don’t want to go back to throwing up, that really doesn’t take much weight off anyways. It’s not like I’m putting anything more in my system. I don’t get it. All I can think of is to cut the chunks of fat out or just take more Topamax without consulting the doctor maybe I’ll do some internet research.

7 Responses to “F*ing weight”

  1. socialworkerangela April 18, 2016 at 7:51 AM #

    I often have thoughts of cutting of my fat as well. I thought I was alone in my thinking. Thank you for posting this

    • mm172001 April 18, 2016 at 10:23 AM #

      Wow. I thought I was the only one.

      • socialworkerangela April 18, 2016 at 2:19 PM #

        Nope I hate feeling that way but I would if I thought I’d survive it

  2. Bradley April 18, 2016 at 11:49 AM #

    I’m with both of you. Many days I wish I could just cut out the fat without killing myself. I haven’t thought of anything that works yet.

    • mm172001 April 18, 2016 at 4:22 PM #

      I’m so perplexed but at the same time glad I’m not alone in this

  3. manyofus1980 April 22, 2016 at 2:17 PM #

    i am so with you marci. i always want to lose weight and fast. it is such a slow process and so much easier to gain it than lose. i hate that. XX

    • mm172001 April 25, 2016 at 4:51 AM #

      Yeah I lost it, then gained it back with changing nothing my sister says to get my thyroid checked

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