I feel like cutting it out. I know I can’t. I know that won’t work. I know it will just end me up in the hospital and with my luck another diagnosis. I’m so pissed. I’m doing everything I can and I’m back at or above my weight before, I don’t know because I’m too afraid to weight. The stupid people will say how can you know. Number one and most I can feel it in my body but thats never a fucking good enough answer. So the two pairs of 16 pants that I lost weight to get into one does not fit at all. The other I can wear a little at school and rush to take off as soon as I get home. Even my seals tic comfortable pajamas are making me body aware. The towel that wouldn’t fit around my body after the bath is back to that. I’m still eating less than 1200 calories most days, fewer carbs, doing the workout class two days and usually walking with my sister a few other days a week and taking 200mg of Topamax a day. I don’t know what else to do. I don’t want to go back to throwing up, that really doesn’t take much weight off anyways. It’s not like I’m putting anything more in my system. I don’t get it. All I can think of is to cut the chunks of fat out or just take more Topamax without consulting the doctor maybe I’ll do some internet research.
Marci, Mental Health, & More
Marci- Me a 32 year old gay female living in California in the United States.
Mental Health- I am diagnosed with Borderline Personality Disorder and Schizoaffective Disorder Bipolar type. I blog about my own experience with mental health as well as resources, research, and re-blogs relating to mental health.
More- Art, Poetry, Book Reviews, LGBT, Languages, Photos, Religion, Current Events, Opinions, and Rants.
I laughed in my head
My Favorite Posts
Guest Post on Bipolar for Life Breaking the Silence of Stigma: Not What You'd Expect
Changes and My Identity in Mental Illness Object Permanence
Sexuality and Mental Illness Intertwined Mad Pride? Gay Pride? Identity...
Borderline Personality Disorder Infographic Borderline Personality Disorder Infographic
Schizoaffective Disorder Infographic Schizoaffective Disorder Infographic