Me and religion have an interesting relationship

27 Mar

I believe in God or some higher power. 

I was not raised religious. We didn’t even go to church on Christmas or anything. In elementary school I went to Mormon camp once because my sister’s best friend throughout elementary school was Mormon and she went every year. 

I first started going to church in high school when I met PK. I didn’t believe in God. I couldn’t fathom an omnipotent benevolent God allowing me to suffer like I had in my life and I was very angry. But if I wanted to spend the night at her house on a Saturday night it meant going to church the next morning. Being a pastors daughter of course her life was over involved with religious activities and I had no other friends so I found my self mor and more at church functions or having religious discussions with her or other church members. I was on the outs with my family, and the church accepted me. It was great. I became a Christian and got super involved. And then…

Her parents found out she and I had a sexual relationship going on. We weren’t allowed to be alone together, unsupervised never mined we were in our 20’s. Her mom began pastoral counseling telling me I had been abused and this is where these “unnatural feelings” we’re coming from. I prayed. I cried. There were a couple exorcisms. I moved out of my parents house and in with the youth pastor and his wife before transferring to a private Christian university. PK stayed at the university we were both attending, graduated and teaches English in China while leading “book clubs” aka bible studies. I’ve tried churches since but nothing has fit not fully accepting my gayness I’m afraid to ask churches their policies. The mental illness comes into it to as some people thought I was possessed. 

As for now it’s easier to be an independent believer. But I’d like to flesh out exactly what I believe in and find a community. 

One Response to “Me and religion have an interesting relationship”

  1. manyofus1980 March 31, 2016 at 2:57 PM #

    I believe in angels and a higher power but not sure about God. Some days I do, then others I don’t believe at all. Like you I wonder why God would let so much bad happen to me in my life. It’s a tough question to answer. XX

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