Today in counseling we talked mostly about my visit to San Diego State University. I went over the pros and cons I posted on my last blog and talked about how I felt like no one was supporting me in even considering SDSU as a choice. I also was generally talking about family and spring break, so it came up about my sisters. Lil sis’ 30th birthday is Friday and she always jokes that March is her birth month and whenever she wants anythings shes says, “but it’s my birth month.” So I’ve been celebrating her whole birth month with gifts and surprises. Monday I drove up there and surprised her with an edible arrangement at work, I stayed the night and made her gluten free cookies and gave her some matching necklaces I had bought. She is a dental assistant, so Tuesday I went and had a dental exam and my teeth cleaned, we went to lunch and then I drove home. My other sister is pregnant and the family isn’t very supportive, for their various reasons. I’m making her a pre-pregnancy smash book. Right now I’m keeping track of dates and stuff she says. I even downloaded the same app so I can keep track of the size of the baby and how far she is along. My case manager said how I was like a mom to them, or mothering them or something. I made some joke about how someone had to do it and just like when we were kids. (Because of my mom’s drinking and just coldness in general) Then she mentioned how I never had a mom, and how they (my psych team tried to fragmentally try to mother me unsuccessfully) and how I seemed to do it for myself. I think I kinda disagree, but whatever.
Anyways, strange enough I get home and we are having a family dinner. Dad’s actually home and my sister and her husband are over. My sister is talking about a First Five commercial that talks about the importance of talking and reading and singing to your kids for brain development; and how she talks so much so it will be great and her kid will be so smart. She jokes something to my mom, whose standing next to her about how they must have talked to me a lot since I’m a genius, and she laughs and then says yep and then she could read so we didn’t need to talk, sing, or read to you or lil sis. Yet another reminder (evidence) I mothered my two sisters, even from a young age. And everyone accepts this and normal.
When do I get to be mothered?