People…people…people

13 Mar

So overanalyzing as I often do…

I’m comfortable with how my social life is right now. (should probably knock on some wood)  I have one best friend and I don’t see him much because we are both busy with school now.  We aren’t even texting each other between classes or when he’s at work or anything too, but that’s not bothering me or poking at my BPD abandonment fears.  I’m all okay.  Even as I went to the NAMI Walks Kickoff Luncheon on Friday I was reminded of how I don’t like doing this social stuff.  When I talk to people in class and make “small talk” how I wish I could avoid it or how it seems so awkward.  Things have changed.  I’ve always been kind of a loner, but a loner that thought they needed someone to complete them or take care of them.  Now I’m pretty sure I’ll be okay by myself.  But do I want to be by myself?  Sort of?  I like the situation with me and 20 somethings friend and I like it better when there are breaks and we can have more fun when we both have more open schedule and can hang out more.  But I remember being disappointed when people are busy with work, school, friends, or whatever and I’m bored with nothing.  But I do not need or want a lot of socialization it wears me out and it’s hard and I wonder if the whole Autistic Spectrum thing is playing into that.

So as far as my socializing ability/roles whatever goes I have the schizo stuff kinda dis-intreset disconnect, the BPD abandonment fears + i need someone, the social anxiety, and now maybe some aspie stuff mixed in too

Like I wasn’t complicated enough before, I guess this is just changing the equation

5 Responses to “People…people…people”

  1. manyofus1980 March 13, 2016 at 1:17 PM #

    Its definitely complicated! But you are used to it, right? Thats what matters. If others find you complex then that is just their problem, nothing for you to worry about. I’m glad your have 20 something friend though to hang out with. XX

    • mm172001 March 14, 2016 at 12:09 PM #

      I find myself complex too and sometimes it bothers me.

      • manyofus1980 March 14, 2016 at 12:14 PM #

        Same here, I think I’m very complexed to, and others have said as much to me it bothers me to

  2. antisocialbear March 13, 2016 at 11:57 PM #

    Ya I’ like being social but usually after a day of anxiety and being social I come home and pass out from all that overwhelming stuff.

    • mm172001 March 14, 2016 at 12:09 PM #

      I hear you. I feel the same way.

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