The other night, my mom was blowing me off and I felt unloved and insignificant. It sent me down, but not into an emotional spiral like it would have in the past. I was trying to cope with it and the ensuing feeling of loneliness and insignificance. I texted my sister to see about going over to see her and the dog, but she had a meeting to go to and since I had just been crying and emotional, I didn’t want to go with just her husband and the dog. 20 somethings friend was at the closer college for chemistry club so I texted him to see if he wanted to meet up for ice cream, after club ended. I was still feeling sorta desperate and even put a status update on my Facebook, even though it was my “lesser” Facebook.
It ended up me and 20 somethings friend met at Baskins and Robbins for ice cream, I had mentioned something about my mom. I was mostly over it by now, but he said something I perceived as insensitive and invalidating to the effect of your parents don’t owe you anything. I didn’t want to argue. I didn’t want it to effect me too much so we quickly changed topics and I tried not to think about it.
But like usual I dwell. And he often makes similar comments and I know he’s not trying to hurt me feeling or invalidate my experience, that’s just how he is. At counseling today I mentioned it and my case manager hit it on the head. He puts things in an intellectual world. And we could have had an intellectual debate on how technically your parents don’t owe you anything and examples and so on and so forth. But I was in my emotional state. And he doesn’t really go there often so when I do say thing and am upset he goes with an intellectual or in DBT term rational mind response and I feel invalidated, because he doesn’t validate those emotions like wise mind would. I don’t think it’s my place to tell him that and I don’t think he’d take it well either. But it’s a good realization to have, he’s not insensitive just stuck being rational.