When things are going well I don’t want to write as much. Part of it is superstition that I will “mess up” the good times.
So where did I leave off… I had an appointment with my psychiatrist on Thursday and it went really WELL, I mentioned the need for something PRN or as needed when the voices get too much or my emotions get out of control, surprisingly he asked me what I wanted. Dr’s are funny ducks sometimes and they don’t like to be told what to do, so I was really surprised by this, I asked for Valium and he gave me a prescription of 20 of them. I was also really happy with this because in December and Late November I was having min-overdoses on anything I could get my hands on and this seems like a safe dose.
I also was talking about my weight and how I was trying to eat smarter and take an exercise class. I mentioned the history of heart disease and high cholesterol in my family. He suggested Topamax, which my sister has been trying to get me for years. I was on it earlier in my 20’s and lost a lot of weight on it, so I am very hopeful.
My psychiatrist said I sounded very excited about my future and he was proud of that. He said that medication and counseling could just set the stage and it was up to the patient to work on getting their life in order. I took it as a compliment and was actually able to say thank you.
I had a counseling appointment Friday and need to talk to my case manager about her availability for emergency appointments. She just changed roles within the psych department, she use to split her time (1/2 in child psych and 1/2 in adult case management) and now she is in adult case management and IOP along with Next Step, which I just found out about Friday. She has to drop a lot of her case load because of her availability with leading IOP and Next Step. Luckily she is keeping me. Last week, a small thing about the kids came up (Hard to Hear.) And I was debating if it was something I was wanting to take time and finally address. Unfortunately she says she won’t have a lot of time for emergency appointments and even suggested seeing someone else in case management (NO WAY!) So the topic will be put on the table even longer.
I was suppose to have a date Friday night that got called off last minute. Good thing I had just got the Valium that day! I took 2 and the next day it took a lot of convincing not to be difficult and self-sabotage the date out of defiance and anger. Look to the password protected post to see how the date went.