Archive | January, 2016

Protected: New to me

31 Jan

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When things are going well

31 Jan

When things are going well I don’t want to write as much.  Part of it is superstition that I will “mess up” the good times.

So where did I leave off…  I had an appointment with my psychiatrist on Thursday and it went really WELL, I mentioned the need for something PRN or as needed when the voices get too much or my emotions get out of control, surprisingly he asked me what I wanted.  Dr’s are funny ducks sometimes and they don’t like to be told what to do, so I was really surprised by this, I asked for Valium and he gave me a prescription of 20 of them.  I was also really happy with this because in December and Late November I was having min-overdoses on anything I could get my hands on and this seems like a safe dose.

I also was talking about my weight and how I was trying to eat smarter and take an exercise class.  I mentioned the history of heart disease and high cholesterol in my family.  He suggested Topamax, which my sister has been trying to get me for years.  I was on it earlier in my 20’s and lost a lot of weight on it, so I am very hopeful.

My psychiatrist said I sounded very excited about my future and he was proud of that.  He said that medication and counseling could just set the stage and it was up to the patient to work on getting their life in order.  I took it as a compliment and was actually able to say thank you.

I had a counseling appointment Friday and need to talk to my case manager about her availability for emergency appointments.  She just changed roles within the psych department, she use to split her time (1/2 in child psych and 1/2 in adult case management) and now she is in adult case management and IOP along with Next Step, which I just found out about Friday.  She has to drop a lot of her case load because of her availability with leading IOP and Next Step.  Luckily she is keeping me.  Last week, a small thing about the kids came up  (Hard to Hear.) And I was debating if it was something I was wanting to take time and finally address.  Unfortunately she says she won’t have a lot of time for emergency appointments and even suggested seeing someone else in case management (NO WAY!)  So the topic will be put on the table even longer.

I was suppose to have a date Friday night that got called off last minute.  Good thing I had just got the Valium that day!  I took 2 and the next day it took a lot of convincing not to be difficult and self-sabotage the date out of defiance and anger.  Look to the password protected post to see how the date went.

100 Things I Learned In Recovery

30 Jan


Here are 100 things I learned in recovery 

  1. My passion for Mental Health
  2. Mental illness doesn’t define us
  3. Self-Reliance
  4. It’s okay to not be okay
  5. There are no good or bad emotions, but there are good and bad ways of expressing emotions.
  6. Resiliency
  7. Self-Compassion is a priority
  8. Self-Awareness is key
  9. Coping skills that best work for me
  10. We don’t owe anyone an explanation for self-care.
  11. Beauty lives in our differences
  12. Dialectical Behavior Therapy
  13. Mindfulness
  14. The more I loved myself – the more I fell in love with my kids
  15. Not to feel guilty for self-care
  16. Patience and understanding for othersLove Yourself
  17. Recovery comes first
  18. How to stand up for myself and fight against stigma
  19. Things will always work out – do not give up
  20. We are not broken, weak or worthless
  21. It’s never too late to become the person you want to be
  22. The present moment is all you ever have

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Things are going well

28 Jan

All of my school has officially started.  I’m pretty excited about it, which is obviously a change from everyday life ?.  I’ve woken up happy and anticipating the day a lot lately.  Switching the Viibryd to the morning has really helped and I’m not getting day time sleepiness anymore.  Last night I started to get down on myself because I didn’t eat very healthy yesterday, and then I thought about it and said to myself “you’ll do better tomorrow” that’s a big step.  I’m thinking about going into some heavy stuff into counseling because I actually feel stable, but now that she has switched jobs I worry about getting emergency appointments if I need them.  I also worry about if it will turn into a need for hospitalization.   Yesterday was #BellLetsTalk day in Canada for mental health, I wrote a short status on my regular facebook, including the info that I had been hospitalized over a dozen times.  I got a share and a comment, not the response I got when I first wrote about my diagnoses last year- but that status was short and people don’t usually read long status updates.  I have an appointment with the psychiatrist today, I hope to get something PRN for the voices or when I get overwhelmed and can’t cope.

30 Day Challenge: Day 21

25 Jan


Day 21: Turn on’s and turn off’s


  • long hair
  • able to hold a deep conversation
  • prefer brown hair
  • smile
  • authentic/genuine
  • compassionate
  • curious


  • Gum chewing
  • Constant interrupting
  • Short hair
  • Arrogance
  • Always talking about self
  • Superficial
  • frown lines

Protected: Evil 

24 Jan

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Medication Re-arranging

23 Jan

Next week I see my psychiatrist, I saw my case manager yesterday.  I have switched my 40mg Viibryd to the morning (which apparently it says on the bottle) because it has stimulant like properties and that may be why my sleep is all messed up.  It didn’t help yesterday.  I went to bed around 9:30pm tired and woke up at 12:30am and was unable to get back to sleep till 2am.  Then I was woken up by my dad wanting to face time the dog at 7:30am.  I haven’t looked at my fitbit yet, to see if it accurately picked up my sleep.

Protected: Hard to hear

22 Jan

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NAMI Walks 2016

22 Jan




nami team 2014


IMG_0316 (2)

This is my 4th Annual Walk and 3rd as a Team Captain.  See my team photos above.  My team name is Marci, Mental Health, and More from this blog that I use to raise awareness about mental illness.

I personally struggle with Schizoaffective Disorder Bipolar Type and Borderline Personality Disorder.  I think it’s very important to raise awareness and fight stigma.  Many people with mental illnesses are just like you and me, they just face additional struggles.

NAMI is a great organization for support and information on everything mental illness.

Help me raise awareness by joining the team, or consider making a donation.  My goal is to raise $1,000

My Personal Fundraising Pge

30 Day Challenge: Day 20

22 Jan


Day 20: Concerts you have attended.  What I remember…

  • Everclear (7 times)
  • Soul Asylum
  • Fall Out Boy and Panic at the Disco
  • Gin Blossoms (twice)
  • Sugar Ray (twice)
  • Smash mouth (twice)
  • Match Box 20
  • Marcy Playground
  • Vertical Horizon
  • Lit
  • Eve 6 (twice)
  • 311
  • Spice Girls
  • Marilyn Manson