So what exactly do you mean by “fear of abandonment?”

30 Dec

One of the key components to Borderline Personality Disorder (BPD) is a fear of real or imagined abandonment. But what does that really mean? For me, it’s a fear of a person leaving me. 

It can be an emotional abandonment as in they’re not there when I need them or they find out how “I really am” and won’t be my friend anymore. 

It’s reading into what people say because you’re so hyper-focused on trying to figure out when and why they are leaving you. Sometimes to try and stop it from happening, “frantic efforts.”  And other times to leave them first before they can leave you. 

It’s jumping to the conclusion that my case manager is going to stop seeing me, each time an appointment is canceled. Or that she’s going to quit or die, which oddly seem the same to me as stop seeing me. I see it as the same result. 

It’s anytime I don’t hear from someone, when I normally do and I panic. 

It’s the fear of people moving on without you.

 It’s any time your social circle or support system changes.

 It’s not wanting to get close to people because everyone leaves anyways.

 Many times it’s based on prior experience. 

4 Responses to “So what exactly do you mean by “fear of abandonment?””

  1. catsntea December 31, 2015 at 2:25 AM #

    So true, I’m going through this right now. A friend who I spent Xmas eve with has ignored my texts ever since, so now I’m thinking that they’ve discovered who I really am and they never want to set eyes on me again! Such a horrible feeling, my brain refuses to think about anything else. Good old BPD brain.

    • mm172001 December 31, 2015 at 10:50 AM #

      I know what you mean. Even if I talk to someone on a daily basis and I haven’t heard from them I think the worse.

  2. manyofus1980 December 31, 2015 at 3:22 AM #

    I relate to some of this. I have this to even though I don’t have BPD. It’s hard. Always trying to pre-empt what people are going to do is very draining. Hugs Xx

    • mm172001 December 31, 2015 at 10:49 AM #

      I think most people are sensitive to what other people think about them.

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