Archive | 7:30 PM


25 Dec

It’s Christmas.  This Christmas season has been quite different with different going ons in the family.  My dad’s dad just had open heart surgery so my dad is visiting him a lot since right now he needs 24/7 care.  Lil sis and her boyfriend just bought their 2nd house which they are renting out, so still busy fixing up the first one and now with a second one to go along with it.  My sister is applying for a new job within her company and other than some travel it’s a full work from home job (I’m looking forward to that 🙂 )  My brother-in-law is a full fledged firefighter paramedic after a few years of academies and probations!  And with me it feels all the same.  No one other than 20 something friend, my sister, and my case manager know I’m transferring to UC Davis next fall.  It’s big but I’m keeping a lid on it, in case something goes wrong.

I’ve been crying this last week straight.  Different reasons.  Frustration.  Emptiness.  Loneliness.  Meaninglessness.  Expectations not being met.  And being suicidal.  I rarely cry when I’m suicidal so it’s a strange combination.  A couple of the nights I just let my self cry for a couple hours, but then I get nauseous.  I’m lucky in that I haven’t cried so much I’ve thrown up.

Going to use a lot of my DBT Skills during this school break (3-4weeks).  Cope ahead.  Cope Ahead.  COPE AHEAD.