Archive | 10:34 PM
16 Dec

Sometimes it hurts so bad

Sometimes life is so frustrating

16 Dec

I know that I have a lot of issues and most of them are modge-podged.  When I get stressed out of triggered, different symptoms present themselves.  It’s frustrating because it seems like to me there is something underneath that needs to be processed, but I don’t know what it is or how to access it.  So I continue to do damage control when the symptoms surface.  Living life seems to be about crisis management and I’m sick of it.  But I don’t know what to do.  I can’t “pick” something arbitrary and not know if it is it or not.  Also I get the impression that if there is something to work on or process, it’s about doing only that thing and working on only that!  I have 4 diagnosable mental illnesses and many of symptoms that aren’t prevalent enough to have a current diagnosis of them.  It’s like working on the voices, even that there are 4 sets of voices (if you count the externals)!  Everything seems so insurmountable!

Yesterday I took the extra Latuda because one of the main things that was bothering me was the voices.  It was two of the sets along with how I was reacting to what they were saying.  I put on my loud music and just tried to drown them out, I haven’t had to do that since starting the Latuda almost two years ago.  I know there was triggers and multiple of those too.  My question is do I even bother bringing it up in counseling Friday.  Part was trigger from a news story on FB, it being finals time, family issues (including feeling like it was left up to me to celebrate her birthday since everyone else had plans) and random past PTSD things.  Along with the voices I was getting visions too, which I guess can be explained as flashes of a scene as an visual hallucination, they go away pretty fast less than 30 seconds usually.  I don’t want to go back to the hospital.  I don’t want to have to increase my daily dosage of Latuda.

Sometimes life is so frustrating.