It feels like there is a cloud following me around every where I go today. I shouldn’t complain because it’s been much worse and I’ve felt other things following me around before that turned into severe dissociation or hallucinations and luckily this isn’t that. 20 somethings friend joked, like the zoloft commercial and sent me a pic. Yep, that’s exactly how I feel. On the verge of tears but can’t cry, maybe if I start thinking about life and the future I’m sure I could send myself into a panic and crying fits, but it’s not worth it and I doubt I would feel relief afterwards. I have counseling tomorrow, turns out Kaiser gave in and reached an agreement with the mental health department and so my case manager is here this week and I’ll see her tomorrow. I’m thinking about making it a serious session, but not sure if I want to because she’ll be off the week of Thanksgiving (next week). About abandonment (her’s or the upcoming of 20 somethings friend) or the panic over the future/failing and me getting extremely impulsive and dysregulated.