The last few days have been really difficult, especially today and yesterday. I think Friday I was running on adrenaline and that’s why I was doing okay. It’s well known that people who take psychotropic medications usually have a difficulty with compliance for one reason or another. Other than a couple incidences in my life I’ve been pretty compliant with what I’m prescribed. The problem for me comes with re-fills. I take a lot of different medications and some refill at different times than others. A couple of them also have special refill instructions like more days to process the order. I also take my pills from a pill chart, so I only see the bottles once a week.
Tuesday night I ran out of my Viibryd, there was a problem with the online pharmacy, it is one of my special order medications, and it was a new dosage/quantity prescription. When I’m taking all my medications I’m feeling okay and I don’t really think about the fact that I’m doing okay is because I’m taking my medication. I tend to underestimate it’s effects. It’s only after I haven’t had it in my system for a few days that I realize the importance of it. I’m sure part of it is wishful thinking to, it’s be so nice not to rely on medication to keep stable moods.
But the evidence shows itself yet again. Yesterday and today I’ve been having uncontrollable crying spells, been more suicidal with stronger self harm urges. I want to drop my classes, drop my future plans, drop off the planet. I’ve spent most of yesterday and today in bed also. It’s the weekend, so I need to wait until tomorrow to see if my prescription is in. I need it.