I had counseling today and I read my post grey gay. We talked about that and my not being hospitalized accomplish the. I guess the ideal in an intimate relationship is emotional connection and sexual connection. I get mine from different relationships which apparently isn’t that rare these days. I’ve expressed my difficulties and lack of desire (for the most part) when it comes to sexual connection. Also how usually someone else pursues me.
I don’t have many emotional connections either. They have a lot of hurdles and hoops to jump through for me to get in one. Again I don’t initiate, it starts with someone showing an interest in me. Then it’s a long waiting game to see if they are sincere, can be trusted, and if it’ll sustain. I slowly reveal aspects of myself and see how it goes. I usually reflect a similar degree of interest that they show in me. If time tells and I make the connection, that’s when I get extremely attached and will do almost anything for the relationship.
I’m not sure I’ve ever had a relationship with both the emotional connection and the sexual one. Maybe PK. Even though I’ve never had one that doesn’t mean it’s out of the cards. I have a hard time imagining this relationship in the future, because I don’t really have a past one to base it on. Also, I don’t think I’m good enough where someone will put the time and interest in me.
I guess on bad days are not the time to work on this. So it was more just explanation.