Mildly disappointed

27 Oct

I woke up in a happy mood, it’s rare.  Even as I get “better” it’s still a struggle and something I need to put effort into.  I did some more Halloween decorating for the party.  Then I had French and that’s when things started to go downhill.  I had a chapter exam in French and while trying to do the exercise I got the same type of headache I got Sunday night while studying.  I couldn’t concentrate and was irritated.  I don’t think I did very well on the test.  I’ve never had these headache problems while studying my other languages, it’s just French.

After the test I was texting 20 somethings friend.  I had mentioned over the weekend that Tuesday (now today) I would be carving pumpkins and to see if he was interested in helping.  He said yes then but would see how things went, which was actually surprising because I think he’s under so much pressure with school.  Today he said he didn’t have time, I knew it was coming but I was still disappointing.  It also came right after the test I didn’t think I did well on.  I started noticing some cognitive distortions and hot thoughts.  I didn’t do a worksheet or a record or anything, I just noticed I was having them and that they were just distortions.

After class with the headache, I took a nap to feel better.  I’ve been having strange but exciting dreams lately, I didn’t want to get up.  I was on my way to DBT when I texted 20 somethings friend again, just asking if he was still at the college.  I was debating bringing up the pumpkin thing again.  He was short with a response and then didn’t respond to what I was doing, so I didn’t bother mentioning it again.

In DBT we were talking more about interpersonal effectiveness and trouble shooting.  I recognized one of the skills I need to cork on is consistency with saying no, people expect (and I usually eventually do) that I’ll just give in if they keep bothering me.  What surprised me a little was a leaders mention that I might want to work on my emotional regulation or distress tolerance skills to be able to withstand the continued asking.  I think I might need to mentally prepare myself for the resistance and the distress and negative emotional reactions it will give me.

2 Responses to “Mildly disappointed”

  1. stuffthatneedssaying October 27, 2015 at 8:04 PM #

    You’re doing great to even be able to say no the first time around. I cave even before people nag me.

  2. manyofus1980 October 28, 2015 at 1:46 AM #

    I hope your head feels better now. It wont be the end of the world if you dont do well on the exam. I hope you had fun carving pumkins. XX

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