I woke up in a happy mood, it’s rare. Even as I get “better” it’s still a struggle and something I need to put effort into. I did some more Halloween decorating for the party. Then I had French and that’s when things started to go downhill. I had a chapter exam in French and while trying to do the exercise I got the same type of headache I got Sunday night while studying. I couldn’t concentrate and was irritated. I don’t think I did very well on the test. I’ve never had these headache problems while studying my other languages, it’s just French.
After the test I was texting 20 somethings friend. I had mentioned over the weekend that Tuesday (now today) I would be carving pumpkins and to see if he was interested in helping. He said yes then but would see how things went, which was actually surprising because I think he’s under so much pressure with school. Today he said he didn’t have time, I knew it was coming but I was still disappointing. It also came right after the test I didn’t think I did well on. I started noticing some cognitive distortions and hot thoughts. I didn’t do a worksheet or a record or anything, I just noticed I was having them and that they were just distortions.
After class with the headache, I took a nap to feel better. I’ve been having strange but exciting dreams lately, I didn’t want to get up. I was on my way to DBT when I texted 20 somethings friend again, just asking if he was still at the college. I was debating bringing up the pumpkin thing again. He was short with a response and then didn’t respond to what I was doing, so I didn’t bother mentioning it again.
In DBT we were talking more about interpersonal effectiveness and trouble shooting. I recognized one of the skills I need to cork on is consistency with saying no, people expect (and I usually eventually do) that I’ll just give in if they keep bothering me. What surprised me a little was a leaders mention that I might want to work on my emotional regulation or distress tolerance skills to be able to withstand the continued asking. I think I might need to mentally prepare myself for the resistance and the distress and negative emotional reactions it will give me.