Better but still broken

24 Oct

Today was a good day.  I set up some for the Halloween party, slept, and then went to a music festival with 20 somethings friend.  Last night I was out with high school friend and that group.  Thursday night I went to 20 somethings group.  I felt okay or good all three days, no down feelings and only small amounts of anxiety.  But when people talk and the things that go through my head or in some cases the voices I know something is still wrong.  I’m still broken.  I’m tricking people or maybe coping better or call it what you want.  My quality of life is better but I’m still broken.  I’m wondering if it’s worth fixing the broken pieces or worth fixing me.  If I can have this “better” life.  I’m not even sure if I’m fixable or whether I’d do the work…. but these past few days have made me realize I’m better but still broken.

4 Responses to “Better but still broken”

  1. midnightdemons7 October 25, 2015 at 12:52 AM #

    welcome to the club. I don’t think we ever get fully “fixed” we just get better at coping. I still hear my voices so I know what it is like. It’s a part of me that I know is not going to go away. But I am not broken, just unwell. You are doing better than you were a year ago and you should be proud of that.It’s ok to be broken. You are managing and that is a HUGE step in recovery. I think you just feel awkward in social situations still and that is troubling you. I could be wrong. I am tired drunk right now so I am not sure I am making sense. HUGSS

    • mm172001 October 25, 2015 at 4:46 PM #

      It is mostly interacting with people and it doesn’t necessarily have to be in social situations. I do and say weird things, those close to me know me and don’t flinch but the others do or they say things. I was also thinking about sexuality and intimate relationships, I’ll probably be writing a blog on that tonight.

  2. Andi October 25, 2015 at 6:05 AM #

    Glad to hear things are a bit better.

  3. manyofus1980 October 26, 2015 at 3:48 AM #

    i too feel broken. its a hard feeling to live with and deal with. glad you had 3 good days though. Hugs. ❤ xxx

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