Things are chaotic right now. Every time I see something about the Oregon community college shooting I’m triggered but at the same time can’t look away. The voices have been back intermittently fighting with each other about mass shootings which makes it hard to concentrate. One voice suggests I kill myself so the other voices won’t convince me to kill others. Note: This is all talk and I have no intention or desire to act out what these voices say, neither is it the first time it’s came up so I do know how to handle it if it gets dangerous. However, what is new this time is the voice about suicide calling me a hero. It’s strange and I’m afraid of scaring people or it being misinterpreted.
Along with the voices, I’ve been incredibly apathetic and feel empty inside. This has lead to my lack of blogging and me wondering if I should stop blogging all together. There seems to be no purpose to anything so I can’t even get motivation to study. And just my luck it’s during midterms week. Sometimes it seems the world is conspiring against me, and I mean this in a non paranoid kind of way.
Anyways, I don’t have much to say.