Conversations with my sister

13 Sep

Friday I spent a lot of the day hanging out with my sister and told her my realization about my problems with communicating with people, mainly dad’s aggressive and scares me and mom was (not so much anymore) neglectfrul and uninterested.  I think my sister functions pretty well in the world, she has none of the struggles that I have really; but we grew up in similar environments at least at home.  She gets frustrated when I downplay the effect our childhood had on me and that “it couldn’t have been that bad.”  One of the things I really wish I could change was my lack of confidence and self doubt.  It rules my life.  Right now I’m thinking I’m not good enough to trasfer to another college.  I’ll have another breakdown and get worse.  It won’t work out because of my mental health needs and insurance struggles.  My parent won’t like the idea, I have enough to fund it for a little while but just knowing they disapprove or disagree may be enough for me not to try.  I looked at the questions for the personal statements which are needed for the UCs I applied to.  One is why I chose my major and I don’t think I could make that into 500 words.  I like it, I think it’s interesting.  I don’t know how I can fluff those two sentences up.  The only thing I can think of is it asks you about hardships and stuff and I can relate in how college and specifically language classes help manage my illness and motivate me.  But my mental illness isn’t all I am and I don’t know if all the questions revolved around that what admissions people would think.  Since a lot of the UCs I’m applying to have an LGBT minor I will throw in my gayness story and why I think that’s important.  I wish the state school, the one I really want to go to had an option for a personal statement… I think I could ace that and it’s give me a better chance to get in.  But all they look at is your grades, or so academic advisers have told me.  Now that I’m iffy on this tranfer thing I’ll need more of a push.  My sister thinks it’s a good idea but thinks my meds are messed up and that should be worked out first (won’t be happening) but she also think I can do anything I set my mind to, which I agree with but at what cost.  I need to ask my case manager about it but she’s been gone for a work confrence so I won’t see her till Friday unless it’s an emergency and then she’ll see me whenever.  But I don’t think this is an emergency.  I wish I could talk to my sister more, she generally improves my mood but she has her own life.  She’s also worried about my support system if I leave and so am I.  Somethings are on target and some we disagree on.  But at least she gets me and lets me be me.

3 Responses to “Conversations with my sister”

  1. manyofus1980 September 14, 2015 at 12:05 AM #

    It sounds like your and your sis are close. Thats wonderful. I’m glad you have a family member who gets you. XX

  2. Andi September 14, 2015 at 8:10 AM #

    One thing I’ve learned is that there’s never a perfect time to do these things. I struggled a lot through college. It took me 7 years to finish my B.A. But that’s okay because I did it. Is there a writing center at your current school that could help you get started on your personal statements? I wouldn’t advise you to mention mental illness due to stigma, but I think talking about being gay would be a big hit.

    • mm172001 September 14, 2015 at 12:13 PM #

      Yeah I feel like there’s never a right time either. It asks you to mention struggles so I think I’ll put it in, but I don’t want it to be the focus of my paper. I’m a good writer just stuck on what to actually write. Our writing centers are more for proofing thing and people who don’t write well. I have 1/2 the month still to figure it out.

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