Realizations, questions, and progress

8 Sep

So I had DBT tonight and we were talking about assertiveness within the module of Interpersonal Effectiveness.  This is where I dropped out years ago, so I don’t know a lot about Interpersonal effectiveness.  I’m not an assertive person, mostly passive sometimes passive aggressive.  We learned some acronyms depending on what your priority is in the interaction.  I’ll do a separate post on that later.  I’m not a good communicator.  Tonight I kinda figured out why, I asked how to be assertive and use the DEAR MAN skills with someone who can be super aggressive and verbally attacking you.  They pretty much said you can’t, I told them how I maneuver around it using my sister as a mediator.  They said that was effective and skillful and I should take credit for it.  I was surprised.  So one parent can be verbally abusive/aggressive and the other is kinda on her own planet/neglectful- this was especially true growing up it’s a little better now.  No wonder I never learned to communicate, I was kind of in impossible situations.  Now I can try it but with more receptive people and maybe some with my parents if they are willing to engage.

I had an academic advising appointment this morning, two actually but the second got canceled due to jury duty.  I theoretically could transfer to a four year university in Fall 2016.  Am I ready?  I don’t know, I feel like I’d need to do some serious work to be ready in a year, but do I really want to waste an extra year when everything’s already completed?  Just to be safe?  Will I get complacent and never go?  Is the time now?  Am I stable enough?  What about moving and insurance and medication and therapy?  Can I line that up in a year?  I’m considering it, any readers opinions or tips would be awesome.

The side voices were episodic voices they mostly had to do with suicidal and homicidal things, a specific trigger was school shootings (no idea why).  Since being on Latuda there have been a couple school shooting and no re-emergence of the voices.  I was hesitant and you never really know when they’ll show up.  But I was happy a usual trigger wasn’t applicable anymore.  Last Thursday there was a shooting on one of the campuses I attend, I attend my classes Monday and Wednesday though.  Full lockdown, one dead, 2 more injured, and they still haven’t caught the other person involved.  Turns out they all knew each other and the 3 victims were students leaving their classes.  So it happened on campus and wasn’t planned.  But still no voices!!! I’m stoked and now think that they may never return.  That’s progress!

5 Responses to “Realizations, questions, and progress”

  1. Andi September 9, 2015 at 5:41 AM #

    Whoa, that’s super intense about the shooting! I can see how you’d be activated. As far as a 4-year school, I’m not sure what you should do. But I went through a somewhat similar experience and decided to just go for it. Turned out to be one of the absolute best decisions I ever made for myself. Moving to a new place, meeting new people, studying my major (psych) was so good for me. I grew and thrived on that campus (and also met my wife!).

    • mm172001 September 9, 2015 at 9:15 AM #

      Thanks for sharing your experience, I think that’s what I’m leaning towards

  2. Amb September 9, 2015 at 12:15 PM #

    A shooting! That’s terrifying! You’ll make the decision that’s best for you as far as university is concerned. You’re strong and resilient and will thrive no matter where you go 🙂

  3. manyofus1980 September 14, 2015 at 1:39 PM #

    omg how scary to have that happen right on the campus you attend! I think you know yourself best and you’ll decide in time what you should do after giving it much thought. Dont rush it though. XX

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