Factors Reducing IP Effectivenes
Lack of skill: You don’t know any options for what could work. You don’t know what to say or do.
Emotions: (anger, frustration, fear, guilt) Emotions instead of skills control what you say or do. You have the skills to ask for what you want but they are confounded by emotions. What helps? Practice using your wise mind, distress tolerance, and emotion regulation skills.
Indecision: You have the skills, but you don’t know what it is you want in the situation. You ask for too much or too little. What helps? Use skills to calm down. Use goals and priorities Worksheet to clarify what you want. Also ask yourself what is the other person actually able to offer at this time.
Environment: Sometimes the environment makes it impossible for even a very skilled person to be effective. Others are too powerful. Other people will be threatened of have some other reason for not liking you if you get what you want. Other people won’t give you what you need, or let you say no without punishing you (unless you sacrifice your self-respect, at least a little). What helps? Goals and priorities and Pros/Cons to decide if you want to fight for it anyway. Or wise mind and acceptance skills to let it go.
Cognitive Distortions/Negative Thinking: Interpretations of situations, other, or yourself that are based on faulty or exaggerated reasoning can lead to ineffective actions and reactions. What helps? Recognize cognitive distortions and challenge them with tools like a thought record.
My filled out worksheet:
- Prompting event for my problem. Who did what to whom? What led to what? What is it about this situation that is a problem for me? Been really insecure lately because of the BPD, overwhelmed about transfering/20 somethings friend leaving. Saturday night went to study with 20 somethings friend and felt no connection and awkward. Came home and cried for a long time.
- What I said or did in the situation: Be specific. Nothing to him. Froze up. After cried for about an hour and a half.
- Factors reducing my effectiveness in this situation:
- Skills lacking: What don’t I know how to do or say? Having conversations without getting too emotional. Being assertive.
- Emotions interfering: Fear, insecurity, frustration
- Indecision of conflict in goals and priorities:
- Objectives: What results do I want? What changes do I want made? 3. More feedbcak. Knowing everything is okay.
- Relationship: How do I want the other person to feel about me afterwards? 1. Important, not childish or insecure.
- Self-respect: How do I want to fell about myself afterwards? Like I expressed my needs.
- Conflicts or Indecision? Putting the priorities in order was hard, seemed like everything was important.
- Environmental factors getting in my way? How to proceed. None.
- Cognitive Distortions/Negative Thinking
- Hot thought: He doesn’t care about me
- Label: Jumping to conclusions; believing feelings are facts
- Challenge: I’m just feeling insecure, they’re is evidence from the past that he cares about me