It doesn’t make sense

11 Aug

I was going to tittle this post “it shouldn’t be this way” but then I felt bad about the should word.  I’ve had a nice day.  20 something’s got good news about his grades.  We went to lunch and dessert.  I have DBT tonight.  I wore smaller clothes that I kinda fit in, but after the 3rd comment from my mom, I changed.  I’m still too fat for them apparently.  Well at least my other clothes are comfy.

I feel empty inside.  I want someone to hold me.  Tell me I’m important.  I feel like such a baby with these wants, I’m 33 years old for goodness sakes.  I should need this much comforting and reinforcement.

6 Responses to “It doesn’t make sense”

  1. Melanie August 11, 2015 at 4:56 PM #

    Age doesn’t play into it. Just from the comment about the clothes I can see validation isn’t something you’re necessarily getting from home as needed, and everybody needs that no matter who they are. You’ve been having a rough time lately and you need and deserve support and comfort. I have those needs and they’re never fulfilled. I realised the other day that I have never ONCE been comforted and I’ve gone through a breakdown, hospitalisations, therapy, depression, panic attacks. Never once has someone just asked if I was ok and if they could help, or made me a cup of tea or given me a hug or asked if I wanted to talk. Nothing of the sort. The very few people that care only ask questions about my issues because they’re curious and perhaps that’s what their idea of talking to me is, or they’re fixers. Just find a solution. “oh she’s gone weird, hospitalise her, that’ll solve the problem”.
    What I would do for a hug and for someone to bring me a cup of tea xo
    Never feel about needing what you need to make you feel better in a healthy way. I wish we all got it! I think we’d be much better for it x

    • mm172001 August 13, 2015 at 11:56 AM #

      Thanks, it’s sometimes people comfort me but it’s rare and I don’t feel comfortable asking most the time. And I don’t really know how to soothe or comfort myself.

      • Melanie August 13, 2015 at 4:03 PM #

        I can’t afford DBT but I know there’s some self soothing techniques you probably know about. I do know that being in soft clothes like a tracksuit or very soft t-shirts and leggings, sitting on the couch with lots of cushions having a cup of tea is comforting for me. As is cuddling my pets. I have absolutely no idea how to self soothe when I’m out of my house though! It seems like it’s a life long learning process. Which is most annoying isn’t it! 🙂
        Is blogging here comforting for you?

        • mm172001 August 13, 2015 at 7:01 PM #

          Blogging helps. But sometimes I want that real life/real person connection. I know some stuff but if I’m really upset it doesn’t help.

          • Melanie August 13, 2015 at 7:32 PM #

            I understand.
            Actually I was just saying to my psychologist yesterday that mindfulness is a load of crap. If you’re really worked up I can’t just suddenly become mindful. lol. It’s definitely a process. *hugs*

  2. manyofus1980 August 17, 2015 at 12:22 AM #

    Your never too old to be held. So what if your 33, its ok to want that connection. Dont be hard on yourself because of it. Glad you had a good day though. XX

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