A bit of a rant

29 Jul

I’m not good with relationships and I don’t handle rejection/being left out/abandoned/judged any of that well.  I’m having a real hard time staying committed to being a 20 something’s facilitator.  I’m upset that they have me on the schedule for next week and I won’t be here.  I’m trying to trouble shot that but no one has responded.  Yes I know it’s Facebook.  I don’t really want to go to group tomorrow, it is a potluck which means more of a social night.  But I need to go and solve the problem of next week.  The idea of that and that I’m suppose to be co-facilitating a group where me and the girl haven’t came up with a game plan is stressing me out.  I can’t sleep.  I’m going through all the people who go/have been to group and judging them.  That’s not a normal Marci thing to do.  I’m not sure what to do anymore.  I feel like if I step down, I will be abandoning the obligation I signed up for a year ago.  If I go on for these next three months I feel like my mental health will suffer.  I don’t know the middle ground and I’m sure no one else sees this as serious.  I just feel stuck and now I can’t sleep.

4 Responses to “A bit of a rant”

  1. manyofus1980 July 29, 2015 at 10:16 PM #

    Lots to think about. Can you talk to someone in the group? Tell them why it is you cant or dont want to continue facilitating it? Hopefully they’ll understand. XX

    • mm172001 July 29, 2015 at 10:18 PM #

      I’m thinking of maybe just posting tonight. I feel like it’s a cowards way of doing things. But I’m suicidal and on self harms ledge and a lot has to do with this.

      • manyofus1980 July 29, 2015 at 10:19 PM #

        It isn’t a cowards way of dealing with things. You should do what you think is right. If they judge you that’s their problem, you did what you thought was the right thing to do

        • mm172001 July 30, 2015 at 9:15 AM #

          I posted it last night. You’re right I’m doing what’s right for me.

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