Resource: DBT Interpersonal Effectiveness- Declaration of Personal Responibility

28 Jul

Declaration of Personal Responsibility

Motivation of Self

  1. I act in a way that makes sense to me on some level.
  2. I respond to any situation in my own unique way based on my background and prior experiences.
  3. I am trying to get my needs met in the best way I know how.
  4. I am the only person who really knows and understands my needs.
  5. I am ultimately responsible for getting my needs met.
  6. It is okay to ask for what I want from others, although I may not get it.
  7. If I don’t get what I want, it is up to me to decide what to do next. (ex: negotiate, change my expectations, use contingencies, leave.)
  8. I accept that not everyone plays the game the same way by the same rules.
  9. People’s needs will inevitably conflict.
  10. All relationships teeter on what I am willing to accept versus what I can change with the skills I currently have.

Motivation of Others

  1. Other people’s behavior makes sense to them on some level.
  2. People act out of their own self-interest; this is as it should be.
  3. People have various levels of needs: basic survival to altruism.
  4. It is appropriate for others to focus on meeting their own needs.
  5. People shift level of needs based on unique background and individual response to a particular situation.
  6. People tend to avoid criticism/blame and seek out validation.
  7. In general, people seek out what is comfortable and what they know.
  8. People are doing the best they can with what they’ve got.

Implications of the Deceleration of Personal Responsibility

  1. In any interaction, I have the opportunity for increased awareness.
  2. If I have acted poorly, it is up to me to try to make a repair in the relationship, then to forgive myself, and move on non-judgmentally.
  3. If one strategy doesn’t work to meet my needs or solve a problem, there is no point in blaming, but a need to switch strategies.
  4. The appropriate questions is not “Who’s responsible for my pain”  but “What can I do about it?”
  5. The amount of support, appreciation, and help I am getting is all I can get, given the current strategies I’m using.
  6. I can’t demand others to change or be different.
  7. Even though painful things may happen, I don’t have to respond as a victim.
  8. Only I can find the right balance between getting my priorities met versus accomodating others demands.

6 Responses to “Resource: DBT Interpersonal Effectiveness- Declaration of Personal Responibility”

  1. Melanie July 28, 2015 at 11:07 PM #

    Thank you for posting this. DBT is $16,000 a year here and unsubsidised so I definitely can’t afford to go. Any resources are so valuable.

  2. ebitogu July 29, 2015 at 4:05 AM #

    Reblogged this on togusstage.

  3. Shrewed Up July 29, 2015 at 5:08 AM #

    Reblogged this on The Shaming of The Shrew and commented:
    Having yet to start my DBT therapy, this is a great introduction . . .

  4. Shrewed Up July 29, 2015 at 5:09 AM #

    Thanks for sharing and reblogged on

  5. manyofus1980 July 29, 2015 at 9:51 PM #

    Reblogged this on Many of us's blog and commented:
    Great resource. Some valuable info here.

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