I feel like I’m losing you…

13 Jul

As I wrote yesterday, I am still feeling disconnected and empty but not as sad or apathetic.  I’ve been REALLY bored since I’ve been back of my week of adventures.  I’m feeling disconnected from the blogging community, the three people I care about in life, and even people I don’t.  Feeling disconnected is scary because it makes it okay to go.  One of the main reasons I try to stay alive is for certain people in my life.  When the connection is weak or strained, I get really dysregulated.  I’m not sure what I’ll do when people move on, but I’m trying not to worry about that.  With this lack of connection I am back looking at my life how it was a few years ago and it seems I have regressed.  I’m just laying in bed all the time, occasionally getting up to eat a bowl of cereal or out to eat.

Hopefully, the feeling is on it’s way out.  Tomorrow 20 something’s friend is coming over while he gets his car worked on.  I know he still has a lot of homework to do, but maybe even just being around someone even if we can’t fully interact because he has his stuff to do- it might help.  My sister and I are suppose to go to a place and jump on the trampoline.  And Wednesday I see my case manager for the first time in 3 weeks.  Hopefully this feeling doesn’t stay.

One Response to “I feel like I’m losing you…”

  1. manyofus1980 July 17, 2015 at 12:05 AM #

    I hope your doing begtter now Marcie. Apathy sucks. Disconnectedness sucks. XX

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