12 Jul

I’m feeling incomplete and empty today, along with not being motivated and a great amount of apathy.  I’ve slept or laid in bed much of the day, except when I was eating.  I’m not really tired anymore from the vacation but just don’t care with a tiny bit that does.  I cant process anything because there is no one to talk to.  It’s been over two weeks since I’ve seen my case manager.  Today mostly my mind has been frustrated with the fact that I deal with so much living with mental illness and it seems no one appreciates it.  No one appreciates or even notices my effort.   And yes I am that type of person that needs praise and reinforcement.

I’ve been thinking a little bit about the who moving out prospect but most of me doesn’t want to put in the effort to go about it.  I need the pushing and there is no one really to push me.  I know I could tell my parents to, but then it would just be pressuring me.  The plan is I still need to talk to my case manager about it and see what she thinks and then maybe the therapist (I’m not sure.)  The awkward part will be presenting the offer to the girl and whether or not she takes it.

The only little thing that is pushing me to keep this option in my mind and not give up is the dating scene.  It will make it so much easier to get to know people if I don’t live with my parents.  I have one woman I’ve been talking to for the last past week or so, but I’m not sure how it is going.  I’m never sure how anything is going.

It’s going to be a very boring rest of the month.  I’m trying to put things in place but it probably won’t suffice. For example I was going to go to the movies with a friend from group but he doesn’t have money and I’m not in a position right now where I can pay for other people.  I gave group and DBT but that’s just a couple hours a week.  20 something’s friend is overwhelmed with summer school and I’m trying to give him space so he can do well and not stress out.  My sister and brother-in-law are repainting their house and with that putting new carpet in, changing light fixtures, and decorating.  So when they aren’t working they are busy with house things.  My dad is on his crash course dieting again, but leaving Tuesday so it doesn’t really matter.

4 Responses to “”

  1. Shrewed Up July 13, 2015 at 4:58 AM #

    Sounds like you could use a big hug . . . sending hugs your way!

  2. manyofus1980 July 17, 2015 at 12:15 AM #

    It sounds like despite the apathy there is a lot going on. Sending you hugs and support. Filling up the weeks with stuff to do is probably a good idea. XX

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